Celebrity Apprentice

I watch a lot of TV. Rarely do I actually catch it when it first airs but through the internet people (similar to the "TV People" of Poltergeist), I can watch almost any show, anytime I want. When it comes to reality TV, I generally stand clear. The only reality shows I watch (news excluded) are The Amazing Race and The Apprentice (I'll explain more about this later).

I think I would be some serious competition on The Amazing Race as I'm fairly bright, fast, and like to travel. [Very generic, I know, but anyone can be on this show.] I used to love those reality dating shows like Blind Date, Elimidate, and The 5th Wheel. Those were some quality shows, predating all those MTV ripoffs and The Bachelor. You know it's a small world when a former stalker was on Elimidate choosing from four potential suitors. I feel bad for the guy she wound up with.

My fondness for The Apprentice dates back to the first season. Putting Mr. Trump's ego aside, the premise sounded quite entertaining. Here you have 14 contestants who have achieved some amount of success or advanced degree and break them down into two teams. The teams are challenged and every week a contestant is "fired." In the end, the last man standing receives a job offer from the Trump Organization with a salary of $250,000 (plus fame). Finally a smart concept.

I enjoyed the show so much that in the summer of 2005 I decided to interview (read: apply). I was recently removed from a top-tier university and working in real estate. That qualifies me to work for Donald Trump at a nice 6-figure salary--or so I thought. I arrived at the Trump Tower at 4am anticipating a long line for interviews. There were only a few people ahead of me in line, and until the doors opened at 9am, a line circled the block and then some. I was in the first group and thought I nailed the group interview but never heard back. While I haven't been able to confirm this, Donald Trump was so impressed with my credentials that he decided it wouldn't be fair for me to compete with those peons. (How else do you think I know about his freakishly large hands as mentioned in the "About Me" section to your right?)

Fast forward to Sunday night where the second rendition of Celebrity Apprentice premiered. This season's crop of "celebrities" are some of the top C-listers out there. It's a who's who of attention cravers. The group includes Joan and Melissa "do not expose to direct sunlight for fear of melting" Rivers, Dennis Rodman, Tom Green (my male front runner at this point), Herschel Walker (former NFL'er and US Olympian), some Playboy Playmate, a professional poker player (my female front runner), a token country singer, Brian McKnight (the black R&B singer that WASN'T busted for kiddie porn--you're thinking R. Kelly) and Andrew Dice Clay who is vying for another comeback after his last reality show disaster.

The Celebrity Apprentice does not offer anyone a job (thankfully), rather gives large sums of money to various charities each week. Of course every week a bloated ego gets fired. The celebrity version is terrible but it's kind of amusing watching all these personalities go at it. [Editors note: I refuse to watch anything on E! so this is the extent of my interest in celebrity squabbles.]

It can be quite entertaining at times. For example in Sunday's episode each team had to bake cupcakes. Yes, cupcakes!!! Just the idea of putting these people in a kitchen to do something so ridiculous is...uh...laughable. Anyway, I don't want to give away too much so check it out for yourself on Sunday nights on NBC (or your favorite internet TV site).