Happy Saturday!

I make the rules so I can change them on a whim.

To keep things light for the weekend, I decided to share (read: subject you to) a clip I found online. The clip features Andy Richter (formerly of Late Night with Conan O'Brien and some failed pilots) and some other guy.



To which I say "take that you Prius-driving hippies!"

Holy %@#$, I'm an Attorney!

I may have mentioned that I lived through three years of law school--a fate I would only wish on my closest enemies. Looking back on those three painful years, I think the only thing I really got out of was a numbing of my brain and nerve cells [neurons of the science geeks, brain stuff for the law geeks] responsible for excitement. What would ordinarily be happy times or the usual time for celebration of law related milestones turned out to be just going through the motions.

[Congrats law school, I guess that means you've taken my soul and now I can proceed to actually practicing law]

So why am I telling you all this?

After my last final exam, I went home and took a nap. There was no celebrating, rather I simply went on with my regular life. [Editor's note: I always made a point to separate my law school life and my personal life] After my law school graduation, I went for dinner with my family and then to a graduation party. At the party, I didn't have any of those "dude, we graduated law school" moments.

Then came the bar exam in July. Those were some good times! After I finished, I called a friend of mine who was obviously a lot more excited than I was. She asked me why I wasn't all excited and I told her that I guess it hadn't hit me yet [and didn't for another 7 months]. I was glad it was over and that a weight was lifted off of me, but maybe I couldn't celebrate a process that wasn't complete until the results came out in November.

The results came out on a Friday in mid-November. After trying to log in for 4 hours, I finally got the news that I passed. [yay!] Again, my friends and family were excited and I was just glad it was over. That Saturday night I went out with some pre-law school friends and did our usual weekend whatnots. [Editor's note: once you start law school, your life is divided into 2 parts--before and after]

Fast forward to last night. I was invited to a costume party and being on a tight budget, I was trying to put something together for cheap. I know my brother has a set of real scrubs. [He's not a doctor but "borrowed" them from a hospital] We all know how much I love the show Scrubs so I decided to go as J.D., Zach Braff's character. I had a little free time yesterday so I started toying with an ID tag, as all the doctors at Sacred Heart (fictional hospital on the show) wear.

At the party people were asking if I came straight from work or if that was a costume. A few people actually saw my ID around my neck and figured out my character. [Apparently not enough people at this party were familiar with the show.] I had a great time at the party but that's not the point of this post.

After spending some time at this place and a few drinks, I slowly made my way out. As I was leaving, some guy asked if I was a doctor. Fair question and he seemed reasonably sober. I paused and said "No, actually I'm an attorney." I guess that's the closest to a "Holy %@#$", I'm an Attorney!" moment I'll get.













[I got some mad fake ID skillz!]

Celebrity Apprentice Bonus

Right now I'm watching The Celebrity Apprentice [laugh at me if you must.] on an actual TV. Okay, now that I borrowed enough from the last Apprentice post, here's something new...

A full recap/commentary will follow but for now, here's the cast to make fun on on your own as I have and will continue to do:

1. Annie Duke - poker is not a job (but proven lucrative)
2. Andrew Dice Clay - Hickory dickory dock, way to easy to mock (and first one fired)
3. Brian McKnight - the R&B singer who's NOT R. Kelly
4. Brande Roderick - look at me, I'm in Playboy (again not a job, but lucrative)
5. Clint Black - that's why they call me a cowboy, baby (remember than Kid Rock song?)
6. Claudia Jordan - WHO??? (Deal or No Deal Model)
7. Dennis Rodman - too easy
8. Herschel Walker - ex-NFL'er, ex-US Bobsled team member (they spelled his name wrong on the Apprentice site)
9. Jesse James - yes, related to the legend with his namesake (much better in Monster Garage)
10. Joan Rivers - help me, I'm melting (old enough to be cast as the "I've fallen and I can't get up" lady)
11. Khloe Kardashian - why is she famous?
12. Melissa Rivers - slowly catching up to mom in the plastic surgery department
13. Natalie Gulbis - female golfers are celebrities?
14. Scott Hamilton - Olympic figure skater
15. Tom Green - he's still alive?
16. Tionne Watkins - the "T" in the has-been group TLC

Editor's note: I chose to put the list in alphabetical order based on first names (like you even noticed) because that's how it was on the Apprentice site.

Pop Quiz

Q] How do you keep the blogosphere in suspense?


A] I'll tell you later


Happy Friday!

San Diego is Evil!

I know just from the title that I've already insulted a certain friend. She plans to move out west as soon as possible. Not just out to California, to San Diego. She constantly talks about going out there, finding any (respectable) work to pay the bills, and then find her true calling (with or without that law degree).

This friend talks more about the greatness that is San Diego than she does about the virtues of the most awesome movie masterpiece of the century--Slumdog Millionaire of course (which I still have not seen nor intend to see). This friend also happens to also be one of my closest friends while I was in law school and if I ever find myself out west, I will make a point to visit her. I'm sure she will be happier out there than I am in NY.

The purpose of this post is not to dwell on my friend but to let out some anger. As you all know, I'm working on developing a number of business ideas. I also recently got back from a trip to Canada which was both business and pleasure. This story relates to the business side. The friends happen to be my marketing consultant and graphic designer.

Late one night over Presidents' Weekend we were trying to come up with a business name. Because of the nature of the business, certain names can be twisted into something dirty while my business is child friendly. So I asked my friends for some help. During a brainstorming session (around midnight) , the graphic designer came up with the best idea. I was thinking about it all weekend and up until today and really took a liking to it. I even started doodling on a pad to see what I can do for a logo. [I am fairly creative and artistically talented both on and off the computer.]

Earlier today I started doing a due diligence search to see if the name is already being used. First I checked in New York and the name was not in use. Then I checked nationally just in case my company makes it big. Sure enough, the first result in my search was a business operating out of San Diego, California. That business was somewhat related but the model is completely different. Unfortunately, the business (which shall remain nameless) took my name and had the domain name up and running for some time now. Back to the drawing board for me!

The moral of the story is that the founder of that business is evil, the city of San Diego is just as evil, and California is beyond evil. Don't get me wrong, I wish the owner and the business lots of success because I have nothing against him or his business. Plus, everyone knows that karma is a [censored].

[Editors Note: I know I'm blaming the entire city in a state I know little about (other than the fact that the people are weird and their governor is Kindergarten Cop) but I am miffed. It's always easier to blame a large group and make generalizations rather than go after the individual or small group who is/are the source of the problem. I don't actually hate La Ciudad de San Diego or the people of California (except the hippies, Nancy Pelosi, and the illegals).]

Please direct any and all complaints about this post or any other post on this blog to (212) 479-7990.

Celebrity Apprentice

I watch a lot of TV. Rarely do I actually catch it when it first airs but through the internet people (similar to the "TV People" of Poltergeist), I can watch almost any show, anytime I want. When it comes to reality TV, I generally stand clear. The only reality shows I watch (news excluded) are The Amazing Race and The Apprentice (I'll explain more about this later).

I think I would be some serious competition on The Amazing Race as I'm fairly bright, fast, and like to travel. [Very generic, I know, but anyone can be on this show.] I used to love those reality dating shows like Blind Date, Elimidate, and The 5th Wheel. Those were some quality shows, predating all those MTV ripoffs and The Bachelor. You know it's a small world when a former stalker was on Elimidate choosing from four potential suitors. I feel bad for the guy she wound up with.

My fondness for The Apprentice dates back to the first season. Putting Mr. Trump's ego aside, the premise sounded quite entertaining. Here you have 14 contestants who have achieved some amount of success or advanced degree and break them down into two teams. The teams are challenged and every week a contestant is "fired." In the end, the last man standing receives a job offer from the Trump Organization with a salary of $250,000 (plus fame). Finally a smart concept.

I enjoyed the show so much that in the summer of 2005 I decided to interview (read: apply). I was recently removed from a top-tier university and working in real estate. That qualifies me to work for Donald Trump at a nice 6-figure salary--or so I thought. I arrived at the Trump Tower at 4am anticipating a long line for interviews. There were only a few people ahead of me in line, and until the doors opened at 9am, a line circled the block and then some. I was in the first group and thought I nailed the group interview but never heard back. While I haven't been able to confirm this, Donald Trump was so impressed with my credentials that he decided it wouldn't be fair for me to compete with those peons. (How else do you think I know about his freakishly large hands as mentioned in the "About Me" section to your right?)

Fast forward to Sunday night where the second rendition of Celebrity Apprentice premiered. This season's crop of "celebrities" are some of the top C-listers out there. It's a who's who of attention cravers. The group includes Joan and Melissa "do not expose to direct sunlight for fear of melting" Rivers, Dennis Rodman, Tom Green (my male front runner at this point), Herschel Walker (former NFL'er and US Olympian), some Playboy Playmate, a professional poker player (my female front runner), a token country singer, Brian McKnight (the black R&B singer that WASN'T busted for kiddie porn--you're thinking R. Kelly) and Andrew Dice Clay who is vying for another comeback after his last reality show disaster.

The Celebrity Apprentice does not offer anyone a job (thankfully), rather gives large sums of money to various charities each week. Of course every week a bloated ego gets fired. The celebrity version is terrible but it's kind of amusing watching all these personalities go at it. [Editors note: I refuse to watch anything on E! so this is the extent of my interest in celebrity squabbles.]

It can be quite entertaining at times. For example in Sunday's episode each team had to bake cupcakes. Yes, cupcakes!!! Just the idea of putting these people in a kitchen to do something so ridiculous is...uh...laughable. Anyway, I don't want to give away too much so check it out for yourself on Sunday nights on NBC (or your favorite internet TV site).

Ode to Hockey

The last couple of weeks have been very disappointing for my beloved New York Rangers. [That's hockey for those non-sports fans] Before last night's win, they had 2 wins in their last 14 games. Not a good stretch this late in the season.

I had the chance to watch the last 3 games in full and was reminded why the hockey, more specifically the NHL, is the greatest of all major professional sports Enjoy the list of reasons why and I await the debate that will follow.

1. Stanley Cup
   This is the holy grail of professional sports. Weighing 35 pounds and displaying the names of every player and coach from every team to win the cup, there is no championship trophy that even comes close.
2. Changing on the Fly
   If you watch the sport, you'll know what this means. For the rest of you, I will elaborate. During play, players from both teams are free to come on and off the ice so long as they don't exceed the maximum number allowed at a give time. They change shifts as players get tired or to better match the players on the opposing side. This would never work in baseball or football, but how great would it be if the NBA allowed changing on the fly?
3. True International Sport
   There is no sport played in more (real) countries and there is no sport with as many nations represented in the greatest league in the world. Baseball is a distant second, but it's easy to argue that the entire Latin America is just one nation. [No apologies to my Latino friends]. Also, the top players all time are NOT Americans.
4. Fighting
   Is there any other sport where fighting is virtually expected? Someone takes a cheap shot at your star player, you drop the stick, drop the gloves and go at it like men. It won't lead to fines or suspensions, rather a few minutes in the penalty box or possibly an ejection. Sometimes even the goalies go at it!
5. Referees
   The game is played on ice. Only in hockey are the refs in such great shape that they can skate around the ice for 60 minutes watching the play, dodging pucks and dodging players that are flying around at all times. Can you name another sport where the refs jump in the middle of a fight to try to break it up?
6. "Hits the Post!"
   There is no sound that gets a crowd up off their feet in all sports. The swoosh of a jumper doesn't make the cut and how many cracks off a baseball bat sound like a home run only to fall well short of the outfield wall? To hockey fans especially the clank off the post or crossbar is the best or worst sound one can hear in a game. If the puck is shot at your goalie, it's a gasp of relief and if your player takes the shot the crowd lets out a collective "ugh" as the puck sails to the corner.
7. The Names
   You can't make up some of these names or the nicknames. Hakan Loob, Jeff Beukeboom, Jarko Ruuto, or the legend--wait for it--dary Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux, or Maurice "Rocket" Richard (who had a brother Henri known as "Pocket Rocket").
8. The Moves
   You watch SportsCenter on a given day during hockey season and you're bound to see at least on goal or save on their top plays. Search "Alex Ovechkin" on YouTube and you will see poetry in motion [I have no idea what that means]. Put him up against ANY move in basketball. It would compare closest to football where a running back makes a bunch of moves to get by the opposing defensive line. The difference is that after he gets by them, he still doesn't have a goalie blocking a goal only six feet wide.
9. The Calls
   There's something about hockey announcers that's different from any other announcer. [Disclaimer: there are always exceptions, but for the following observation, I'm speaking of the norm.] There may be an unwritten rule that announcers are not allowed to get too excited while calling a game. In hockey you don't have that. While you're on YouTube, check out the "Matteau Goal" or listen to the Pittsburgh Penguins radio voice with his growling "hhhheeee shoots he scooooores." This is more than your Marv Albert or Joe Buck. Think Al Michaels' call from the "Miracle on Ice."