And for those keeping score at home...

...and you should be, let's have a little recap based on yesterday's post:

1. I got three less than friendly emails regarding a sarcastic comment about abortion. Look, it's your body do what you want--until it becomes my child!

2. I was tempted to watch last night's episode of How I Met Your Mother again just for laughs (but I didn't)

3. I was however so inspired by that episode that my period of inspiration extended to this exact moment in time as I type this, making this two posts in two days (again, for those of you keeping score at home and I know you are)

4. I was also able to keep my promise of making today productive. I sent out those emails I needed to respond to but kept pushing off, sent out several resumes for job postings, and dealt with my stupid insurance company for hopefully the last time. I also spent 3 solid hours doing legal research and actually learned something! I even set up my calendar on my pocketPC for the next two weeks. This is actually a big step because it also means I got to throw out scattered post-it notes and little pieces of paper with small notes on them. The rest of my day was so much less important that even if I had Twitter and was the uber-twit (or is that uber-tweet), I still wouldn't tweet those details.

5. Of course the productivity ended a little after 5pm when I got a call asking if I wanted to go play tennis. I'm not all that good at tennis but I have a tendency to drop what I'm doing to play most sports. I hope to improve on both my tennis and golf games over the summer so stay tuned. Either way, after tennis, I showered and went for dinner and then it was bum-city for the rest of the night until now, as I type this. At least my day ended on a productive note!

Credits
Steve Somers - host of local sports radio show on WFAN; known for using that line on the air referring to either ad numbers or segment numbers (I don't recall having stopped listening to "The Fan" many years ago with the exception of actual sporting events)

Ted Mosby - see earlier posts

"We all wanna live forever
we all wanna be something, someday
ready to face whatever's yet to come
and I'm starting it all today"
Stir - Climbing the Walls

Kids, let me tell you about the time when...

...I finally got around to posting on this blog.

It's amazing that since January, I went from daily posts to posting on weekly basis. I'm still here so at least I kept one of my resolutions. It's not that I have nothing to write or that I don't care about my loyal readers (I'm optimistic that there's more than one). I come up with ideas for posts all the time but never actually get around to writing about them. I have a saved draft which contains a list of topics so I don't forget them but by the time I get around to write about them, they are no longer current so I exercise my pinkie and reach for that backspace key.

Of course today's edition was more than just to give another reason for lack of frequent posts. I was inspired to blog tonight after watching the season finale of How I Met Your Mother. As you probably gathered from previous posts (or the fact that I have a HIMYM tag) I'm quite a fan of the show. Well tonight's show was so inspirational that I actually used the word "inspire" twice.

SPOILER ALERT: IF YOU DID NOT SEE THE EPISODE YET, WATCH IT ONLINE AND CONTINUE READING IN 22 MINUTES. I WILL TRY NOT TO REVEAL ANYTHING CRUCIAL TO THE EPISODE BUT WATCH THE SHOW ANYWAY.

First, a quick round of "What Did We Learn" from tonight's episode?
To "pull a Mosby" means to tell a girl (or other half) how much you love her just so she can say no and push you away. In short, a great way to sabotage a relationship. (Exhibit A: Ted and Robin)

The show ended with the message to take that leap. [Editor's note: This is not a public service announcement condoning suicide. This leap is actually a metaphor if you choose to keep reading. But while I'm on the subject, maybe some people should just jump off their nearest tall structure. And while I'm being mean and hateful, over the many years of my life, I've season several examples of why abortion should be legal at all stages of pregnancy.]

...But I digress.

If you aren't completely repulsed by my views or attitude, back to this post. All the characters were facing some sort of struggle or challenge and rather than leave us the typical season finale cliffhanger (beyond the never ending question as to who is the mother) they all took a leap. I will not tell you what they did or how it played out, but I too am going to take a leap.

After a lazy day doing a little work-related research and not much else, I am declaring tomorrow a day of more productivity. I made a list of all the things I want to accomplish. A wise man once said "The road to productivity starts with a list." He also said "The road to discovery begins with scrapping that list" but I don't want to go there yet.

The leap started with this post, will continue tomorrow with a productive day (until I lose my list or get distracted), and will extend to an ongoing covert operation with Agent RW. Hopefully I will stay productive and ultimately score a new job.

That's all folks!

"Go on, get up, get out, don't even think about it,
you don't need to leave it behind but you can live without it,
jump in your car like you're ready to ride
You got a buck forty-five left to keep you alive"
-My Favorite Highway, Getaway Car

Tales of an Un(der)employed JD

During this period of un(der)employment, I try to keep myself busy during off hours. In that time I'll take care of some errands, catch up on the news, read some of my favorite blogs, search for jobs and...wait for it...workout (gasp!).

My job search consists of frequent trips to various job boards. I check my law school, job boards specifically geared toward the legal practice, as well giants like Monster and Career Builder. None has proven to be all that fruitful. I can't forget good ol' reliable Craigslist.

On Craigslist, I went from applying to posts only when the one posting the position indicates the firm/company to anything that doesn't look like a 6 year old wrote it. At this point my resume gets around like a ______ (I'll let you fill this one in yourselves).

[Editor's note: If Phillip Markoff reads this blog and somehow obtained my resume, please don't kill me.]

While searching Craigslist, I came across this post which I just had to share with you guys. Since Craigslist deletes old postings, I copied it here for your reading pleasure. Enjoy!

ASSociate Attorney (Midtown West)

Reply to: job-ekpzv-1159642218@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-05-07, 5:25PM EDT

Small, congenial law firm needs top notch associate attorney to join our exceptional team. Please do not apply if you do not meet the following requirmenets:

1. Top half of the class at Harvard, Yale, UPenn, U Michigan, or Georgetown; top 10% at U Chicago, Boalt or UCLA. Top 1% everywhere else.
2. Law review and/or moot court experience a MUST.
3. Federal Clerkship REQUIRED.
4. Must be willing to accept $28,000 per year. $10,000 bonus for billing over 2500 hours a year. The bonus is pro-rata more, so it is worth the extra billing.
5. Must be willing to make coffee every hour, on the hour. The position is open becuase our last associate sustained severe burns from the hot plate in which the coffee post rests. We had to discharge him as he required too much "leave" time.
6. Insurance after two years, with employee contribution at 50%.
7. Must be willing to share a desk with a paralegal. She said you can have the top drawer.
8. Must be in the office by 8am, and remain until 10pm. On Fridays, you can leave by 9:30pm.
9. Must be a team player. Please send resume to the link above.

Good luck- hope to see you soon!
Compensation: $28,000

Original Source: http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/lgl/1159642218.html

"Just killing time watching all of the fads pass by
behind a window in a bar on the Upper East Side,
but I'll wait cuz it's never too late in the race
take a sip with a smile on my face (yeah)"
Brian Desveaux, New Wave

I am Ted Mosby

If you've never heard of Hulu, take that rock you've been living under and bash your skull in with it. Hulu is the greatest gift the internet has given us since sliced bread delivered to your home (thank you Fresh Direct). I started watching a bunch of new television shows this season and thanks to Hulu I can catch them online when I have time.

One of my regulars is How I Met Your Mother. I started watching about a year ago and was all caught up in about 2 weeks.

The show used to start with a scene featuring two teenagers on a couch and the caption "2025." The narrator, voiced by Bob Saget, addressed those "kids" telling them the story about the time when...(cut to present for the actual episode). The idea is that all these stories lead to the story of how Ted Mosby (one of the main characters) met his wife and mother of those kids.

Anyway, last week's episode, entitled "Mosbius Designs" tells the story of Ted as he starts up his own architecture firm out of his apartment. Ted is an architect by trade who was working for a large firm up until recently. I too should have been an architect. Here I am, un(der)employed and in debt with a law degree, when I really want to work in real estate, maybe for a developer. If I had the architecture background I could be planning something better than the awful looking buildings sprouting up in Manhattan and surrounding boroughs. Of course at the same time I am working on a number of business ideas, one of which is real estate related.

Ted has had an interesting relationship history. Some noteworthy relationships include an on-again-off-again with Robin (the token Canadian main character), the overplayed relationship with the divorcee from Jersey (played by Sarah Chalke of Scrubs fame), and that girl who was crazy but Ted was too clueless to see that.

Do you really think I am going to run through my relationship history? HA! I will say that I never dated a Jersey girl but did have a Robin who was not born in the United States. Ted and I are both single. By 2025, Ted is married and has two teenage children. I see myself married with children then too.

There are more similarities but here are a few minor differences. I dress a lot better than Ted and do not own a pair of g-kwok approved red cowboy boots (which made another appearance this week). Ted has a much nicer apartment than me and also a hot (albeit Canadian and in real life very pregnant) roommate.

Catch How I Met Your Mother on Monday nights on CBS or on your favorite legal (or illegal) website. And please do not call me Theodore, Theo, or even Ted.

They say that we're dreaming too big. I say this town's too small!

-Ryan Star, Brand New Day (Theme to Lie to Me)
[This quote feature is new but expect something on every post based on a song stuck in my head or something related to this post]

The Courtesy Wave is only Dead in Spirit

Over the weekend I was carded at the Inc Lounge at the Time Hotel. One of the girls I was with got grilled about the information on her license because she looks young. [Confession of an un(der)employed JD: This girl was more than legal for me and could legally drink in the US for a few years now. This is not the story of how your Uncle DotCW got arrested.] Before I put my license away I started reviewing the content of my license. At that moment I realized that I've had my license for almost 10 years.

I do a lot of driving. My last car lease gave me 45,000 miles but I wound up driving close to 55,000 miles over those three years. Fortunately I switched cars with the 'rents who used mine for local driving so I can continue my 60-120 mile daily commutes without getting slammed for going over my mile allowance. Yet with all this driving I cannot recall the last time I was the recipient of the courtesy wave.

Take yesterday for example. After riding 24 miles in Central Park, I went to Long Island to mark the first beach day in New York. Because of traffic I took a different route. I'm on the Van Wyck and some old guy in a Chevy Impala cuts me off. I was about one and a half car lengths from the car in front of me but he just shot in there and slammed on his brakes causing me to stop short. Just before cutting me off he was bearing right to go on the Jackie Robinson but then swung left through that painted white triangle by the exit ramp. Next thing I know he's right in front of me.

You would think the old guy would have given me the courtesy, but NO! I can understand the young people (like me), many of whom grew up without a care in the world and everything revolving around them--the card carrying members of the I-society, as I prefer to call them. But this guy was from a different generation, from a time when everyone gave the courtesy wave, a time when you smiled and waved at the guy in the car stopped next to you at a red light because you probably knew him from somewhere (and if not, you still smiled and wave just to be polite) NOT to see who can get through the intersection first. Clearly I was mistaken.

Fast forward to today where I am still trying to bring back the courtesy wave. This may take some time but everyone can do their part. I stand here today to tell you that while the courtesy wave is on life support, this blog is not. With a little help from you, the future can be a bright one. With a little less laziness from me, this blog's future can be just as bright. Let's all do our part to create this wonderful future (and vote for me for _____ in 20__!!!)

[Editor's note: while reading over this post, I noticed a few instances of a blog post reading like a political speech. It is for that reason that I chose to end the post as I did.]

Ode to Hockey

The last couple of weeks have been very disappointing for my beloved New York Rangers. [That's hockey for those non-sports fans] Before last night's win, they had 2 wins in their last 14 games. Not a good stretch this late in the season.

I had the chance to watch the last 3 games in full and was reminded why the hockey, more specifically the NHL, is the greatest of all major professional sports Enjoy the list of reasons why and I await the debate that will follow.

1. Stanley Cup
   This is the holy grail of professional sports. Weighing 35 pounds and displaying the names of every player and coach from every team to win the cup, there is no championship trophy that even comes close.
2. Changing on the Fly
   If you watch the sport, you'll know what this means. For the rest of you, I will elaborate. During play, players from both teams are free to come on and off the ice so long as they don't exceed the maximum number allowed at a give time. They change shifts as players get tired or to better match the players on the opposing side. This would never work in baseball or football, but how great would it be if the NBA allowed changing on the fly?
3. True International Sport
   There is no sport played in more (real) countries and there is no sport with as many nations represented in the greatest league in the world. Baseball is a distant second, but it's easy to argue that the entire Latin America is just one nation. [No apologies to my Latino friends]. Also, the top players all time are NOT Americans.
4. Fighting
   Is there any other sport where fighting is virtually expected? Someone takes a cheap shot at your star player, you drop the stick, drop the gloves and go at it like men. It won't lead to fines or suspensions, rather a few minutes in the penalty box or possibly an ejection. Sometimes even the goalies go at it!
5. Referees
   The game is played on ice. Only in hockey are the refs in such great shape that they can skate around the ice for 60 minutes watching the play, dodging pucks and dodging players that are flying around at all times. Can you name another sport where the refs jump in the middle of a fight to try to break it up?
6. "Hits the Post!"
   There is no sound that gets a crowd up off their feet in all sports. The swoosh of a jumper doesn't make the cut and how many cracks off a baseball bat sound like a home run only to fall well short of the outfield wall? To hockey fans especially the clank off the post or crossbar is the best or worst sound one can hear in a game. If the puck is shot at your goalie, it's a gasp of relief and if your player takes the shot the crowd lets out a collective "ugh" as the puck sails to the corner.
7. The Names
   You can't make up some of these names or the nicknames. Hakan Loob, Jeff Beukeboom, Jarko Ruuto, or the legend--wait for it--dary Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux, or Maurice "Rocket" Richard (who had a brother Henri known as "Pocket Rocket").
8. The Moves
   You watch SportsCenter on a given day during hockey season and you're bound to see at least on goal or save on their top plays. Search "Alex Ovechkin" on YouTube and you will see poetry in motion [I have no idea what that means]. Put him up against ANY move in basketball. It would compare closest to football where a running back makes a bunch of moves to get by the opposing defensive line. The difference is that after he gets by them, he still doesn't have a goalie blocking a goal only six feet wide.
9. The Calls
   There's something about hockey announcers that's different from any other announcer. [Disclaimer: there are always exceptions, but for the following observation, I'm speaking of the norm.] There may be an unwritten rule that announcers are not allowed to get too excited while calling a game. In hockey you don't have that. While you're on YouTube, check out the "Matteau Goal" or listen to the Pittsburgh Penguins radio voice with his growling "hhhheeee shoots he scooooores." This is more than your Marv Albert or Joe Buck. Think Al Michaels' call from the "Miracle on Ice."

I Love You, Man

Okay, before you all get the wrong idea, there are many girls who can vouch for my heterosexuality. And no, I don't buy the "man-crush" or "bromance" concepts.

Before my Presidents' Weekend excursion to our neighbor to the north (see next post) I had a chance to catch an advanced screening of the upcoming flick, "I Love You, Man" starring Paul Rudd and Jason Segel. The film hits theaters on March 20th but here's a sneak peak:

Paul Rudd is the main character and the movie opens with him proposing to his girlfriend. While they plan the wedding, he and his fiance discover that while he has lots of female friends, he has very few guy friends, and no best man. Rudd's character then goes on a series of "man dates" to find a best man for the wedding.

Funnier Moment: Paul Rudd goes to Jason Segel's house following a man date. Segal introduces the dog as Anwar Sadat. When asked why he calls his dog Anwar Sadat, Segel replies "because he looks like Anwar Sadat" and the camera pans to a picture hanging on Segel's wall of the real Anwar Sadat.

I highly recommend this movie for a lots of laughs. [Okay, that sounds really lame] Guest starring Rush (the band) Jamie Pressly, Jon Favreau, and Lou Ferrigno (the original Incredible Hulk). Rated R for language and sexual innuendo (cue The Todd).

Check out the trailer:


SPOILER ALERT (which will have no impact on any storyline): You will not see as much Jason Segel as you saw in his last film, "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." END OF SPOILER

Sports, A Microcosm of Life

I have another confession to make. I've been a big sports fan all my life.

Sports has a very important role in society. As a child, you learn about rules (each sport has quite a few), teamwork, winning and losing. As an adult, if you happen to not be one of about 600 Major League Baseball players, too short for the NBA, can't skate, or don't enjoy large men forming piles on top of you, you can still follow your team and critique the sports world. That's where I come into play.

Take the Dallas Cowboys...Many predicted that they would still be playing football today (week 3 of the NFL playoffs) yet they didn't even make it into the postseason. Why? About 99.9% of coaches use the cliche "there's no 'I' in 'team.'" I say that there is a "me" in "team" and that will be your ruination. Selfish play and in-fighting brought down this highly talented team. Hey T.O., in no world is one greater than 52. Hope you're working on your golf game living in the I-Society.

It got me thinking about one of the more underrated and underappreciated films of my era. The movie is...[wait for it]...BASEketball. For those unfamiliar with BASEketball, it's a comedy from 1998 starring the creators of South Park. If you've never heard of South Park and are over 8 years old, please return your membership card to society, proceed to the roof of your nearest tall structure, and just jump. ANYWAY, the movie predicts teams moving to new cities for money, stadiums named after brands, and endzone celebrations that are longer than the scoring play itself. Plus the usual crudeness you come to expect from Matt Stone and Trey Parker. It's a heartwarming tale of the ruination sports and how Stone and Parker save the day (and this is why I don't review movies).

I just thought I'd throw that out there in the spirit of the final two teams standing in the NFL. This is the sad state of sports. One person--athlete or agent (ahem, Scott Boras)--who gets greedy sets of a chain reaction of greed. Next thing you know, certain seats at the new Yankee Stadium go for $2,500 a pop and many families are now priced out of major sporting events. Minor league baseball is a lot of fun, but rather than seeing your hero, you see a bunch of scrubs and maybe one or two guys who you might see in the bigs eventually.

For the Citibank executives who read this (and I know you do), your company wouldn't be flatlining right now if you didn't pledge $400 million to the New York Mets for stadium naming rights! But of course the Mets need the money to cover their new stadium and to pay their overpaid stars. I understand the role of economics, but no baseball player should make more money per at-bat than most of the fans make over 365 days!

Digitus Medius Award Nominee #2

It seems like just yesterday I introduced the Digitus Medius Award and announced the first nominee. Well considering the world we live in (the I-Society) this second nominee comes as no surprise...

FOR SALE: Kidney - gently used, asking $1,500,000 or best offer

The New York Post reports that Dr. Richard Batista is asking his ex-wife for his kidney back. In 2001, Dr. Batista's wife needed a kidney and the husband was a match. They divorced in 2005 and he claims that after the way he was treated, he now wants his kidney back. The doctor alleges that she cheated on him and then dragged him through an ugly divorce. Divorce lawyer to the stars (on Long Island, at least) Dominic Barbara insists that he doesn't actually want the kidney back, rather he just wants the value of that kidney, which apparently is a cool $1.5 million. CAN I GET A PRICE CHECK IN AISLE 7? Why he didn't just factor that into the divorce settlement boggles the mind! Someone has been reading a little too deeply into the concept of "an eye for an eye."

Now I called the writer at the New York Post and I got the scoop. What the media is withholding from the rest of you commoners is that this family squabble is just another way to make money. Think of the merchandising possibilities. This "couple" has already made a number of filings with the US Patent and Trademark Office.

The real story goes something like this: The couple is actually a lot closer than just husband and wife. In fact my sources say that they are not even married. They are however brother and sister. Let's be honest here--the odds of being a perfect match to donate a kidney is 1 in 700,000. That means that in the United States there are only 428 possible matches. Somehow the ex-wife found a husband and match for kidney donor within that pool of 428--YEAH RIGHT!

As a J.D. not yet admitted, I feel the need to point out that the sale of organs is illegal in the US. Furthermore, the kidney was donated when they were on good terms and was a GIFT. Gifts by nature are irrevocable. Sorry Doc but KABOOM--you've been lawyered!

If this woman was as awful as you made her to be, and cheated on you as you allege, why didn't you come out better in the divorce? If the wife didn't obey a custody order take her to court again. Here's an idea: while she's sleeping, break into her house and cut out the kidney yourself (you are a doctor); spare us and leave the courts out of this too. To ask for the kidney back and seek all this attention is pathetic. Or do what the rest of us do, have her give a mutual friend all your personal items and you do the same. That friend will return all the items to their original owners.

Dr. Richard Batista, you are the second nominee for a Digitus Medius Award! Expect an invitation to the newest award show early next year.