Thank Dad It's Friday!

In case you didn't figure it out by my generous distribution of HE'BREWs over this space, I'm Jewish. I find it very funny when I hear someone ask what Jesus would do in a given situation.

This post isn't going to harp on religion, so feel free to keep reading.

Anyway, in case you were wondering, Jesus would probably go out to the bars on weekends, but not on the Sabbath. That's a big no-no on the Jewish top ten list. Also, for those wondering, he would get a cab and not drive under the influence of alcohol. There is one that I still can't quite figure out. I've asked many historians and theologians and no one can come to a consensus on what Jesus would do for a Klondike bar.

Thinking more about Jesus, I bet he would be a lot of fun at a bar. He'd make the perfect wingman since he's always looking out for others. I would totally go drinking with him. In fact, the first round of HE'BREWs would be on me. [Who said Jews are cheap?]

Well that's it for me. In closing, as Jesus would say, "thank Dad it's Friday!"

Happy Friday!

PS: I think I'm going to add a Jesus tag. I have a feeling he will be resurrected in a number of future posts.

Oh Canada!

Today's post is a special shout out to our neighbor to the north...good ol' Canadia [misspelling intended]

EDITOR'S NOTE: This post is especially late because now I've been back in New York for about a week and a half.

While I sit around wasting time, looking for a job, and starting a business (or 3), I figured that such a stressful life deserves a vacation. Presidents' weekend is a nice long weekend so I figured that would be a good time to go away. So then I needed to decide where to go. My income is limited so it would have to be cheap and even these days, flights are too pricey. That narrowed the vacation radius to 7 hours of driving.

What better than to spend Presidents' weekend in a country where the weekend has no significance!?!?! Montreal, here we come! So I packed my stuff and planned to visit some friends from college and their kids and other friends up there. The week leading up to the weekend happened to have been incredibly busy so planning was last minute. I packed my skis with the intention of skiing one of those days, but between everyone schedules (the friends I drove to split gas and other friends) skiing wasn't going to happen so I my skis at my friends apartment in the city.

Over the weekend we realized that this was my ninth trip to Canada. The next time I go and get my card punched, I get a free sub, or car wash, or pint of Labatt.

So here are the highs and lows from the weekend (in no order):

• Didn't see any moose
• Good homemade pancakes on Sunday with (probably) authentic maple syrup
• Didn't see any mounties
• It was a little colder than I packed for (even after traveling there twice in the last 4 years, both in the winter)
• Whatshername (there's always a girl involved)
• Making it home in 5 and a half hours even after being stopped at customs for trying to smuggle a Canadian into the states (and no crazy speeding either)
• Playing hockey with my friends oldest kid in the living room (I love hockey)
• Those kids REALLY tire me out
• Drank a lot, but didn't have any Canadian beer
• Not as much snow as I thought
• Getting out of New York
• Not exchanging any money or speaking a word of French
• Waiter at the restaurant Saturday night who was a little too excited to talk politics with an American

On a side note, while waiting for whatshername to pick me up, I found some hockey on TV. The only problem was that the game was televised in French. I know about 7 French words that have nothing to do with hockey. No problem as I watched the game on mute and listened to NHL radio. I'd rather deal with a 5 second delay in the play-by-play than have to listen to the action in French

USA! USA! USA!

I Love You, Man

Okay, before you all get the wrong idea, there are many girls who can vouch for my heterosexuality. And no, I don't buy the "man-crush" or "bromance" concepts.

Before my Presidents' Weekend excursion to our neighbor to the north (see next post) I had a chance to catch an advanced screening of the upcoming flick, "I Love You, Man" starring Paul Rudd and Jason Segel. The film hits theaters on March 20th but here's a sneak peak:

Paul Rudd is the main character and the movie opens with him proposing to his girlfriend. While they plan the wedding, he and his fiance discover that while he has lots of female friends, he has very few guy friends, and no best man. Rudd's character then goes on a series of "man dates" to find a best man for the wedding.

Funnier Moment: Paul Rudd goes to Jason Segel's house following a man date. Segal introduces the dog as Anwar Sadat. When asked why he calls his dog Anwar Sadat, Segel replies "because he looks like Anwar Sadat" and the camera pans to a picture hanging on Segel's wall of the real Anwar Sadat.

I highly recommend this movie for a lots of laughs. [Okay, that sounds really lame] Guest starring Rush (the band) Jamie Pressly, Jon Favreau, and Lou Ferrigno (the original Incredible Hulk). Rated R for language and sexual innuendo (cue The Todd).

Check out the trailer:


SPOILER ALERT (which will have no impact on any storyline): You will not see as much Jason Segel as you saw in his last film, "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." END OF SPOILER

I'm Baaaaack!

Dear Readers,

As much as I resolved to stay on top of this blog, I have failed. But guess what? I don't care.

While I plan to keep up with this, I still make the rules. I reserve the right to go on vacations, get sick, or stay away from computers for extended periods. However, at the request of my fans, I will resume posting and include the posts that I wrote in my head during my absence.

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. [Editors note: I've never said this nor heard anyone else actually say it, but just roll with it.] Thanks for missing me and stay tuned to a record [for this blog at least] number of posts over a short period of time.

Warmest regards, [can I be any more full of it?]

DeathoftheCourtesyWave [can I have a longer name?]

Happy Friday!

To all my loyal readers, my sincerest apologies for not posting much lately. It's been a very busy week and I've been a little under the weather. Speaking of which, what does that even mean???

Today's Friday session with yours truly will be devoted to sayings that make absolutely no sense or just rub me the wrong way.

1. Under the weather
We all know this to mean that someone isn't feeling well. That could span anything from a lil tummy ache to projectile vomiting to a mild cough. But how does that have anything to do with being under the weather? Earlier this week we got about 5 inches of snow in New York. When I left my house, it snowed on me. Then, and only then, was I under the weather. When the suns rays burn my skin while I'm laying on the beach in August, Captain Weatherman would say it's sunny, and again, I would probably be under the weather. But when I'm sitting around my house and I'm seeing weather out my window that doesn't impact on me in any way until I step outside and it actually hits me.

2. Rubs me the wrong way
Anytime you hang out with a large crowd, there's always this one guy/girl who just irks you. Some say that person "rubs you the wrong way." Unless your nemesis is a licensed masseuse, chances are they are not rubbing you the wrong way. Right now I've have my Swedish "assistant" (she's definitely not a Sven) giving my a full body massage while I dictate this post to my midget personal secretary at the computer. She's rubbing me the right way, but if she did something wrong, I would surely point it out to her and tell her that she was rubbing me the wrong way.

3. Sounds like a plan
Now my personal favorite! If I tell you that I'll pick you up at 7pm and we'll go for sushi, can't you simply say "I'll see you then?" NO. That would be asking too much. Instead you have to say "sounds like a plan." I guess it is technically a plan, but it's rather weak. Maybe we should try this: You flash the valet and I'll steal all the keys till I find the nicest car on the lot. Then I'll drop the top, pull up to the front and while you're dancing in front of the valets you'll jump into the car as I speed away. We'll pull into my friend Vinnie's body shop for a quick license plate and registration swap and he'll pry off the VIN. Maybe he'll add a racing strips across the hood and trunk. Then we'll sneak out a side exit, avoid all cops, and drive off into the sunset where I'll pull over so we can eat sushi and watch the sun set. Now THAT is a plan!

#9

1994 was a magical year for the New York Rangers. For one thing, they ended their 54 year Stanley Cup drought, and also that was the year Adam Graves broke the Rangers record for most goals in a season, with 52, breaking a 22 year old team record. Tonight the Rangers honored Adam Graves and raised his number to the rafters of the world's most famous arena, Madison Square Garden.

Tonight I would like to dedicate this post to Adam Graves, #9. Adam Graves was not the biggest, strongest, fastest or hardest shooter, but he was a solid all-around player. His teammates enjoyed the time with him and he was good to them. Adam Graves played hockey the way it should be played. He was smart, quick, played solid defense, and stood up for his teammates. Getting a busted lip or broken nose or teeth knocked out was a regular occurrence for Graves.

Not only that, Graves was a solid role model off the ice. Many athletes have their own "foundations." There may be some generosity, but it's also good for tax purposes when athletes make a hefty sum of money. Adam Graves not only gave to charities, but also gave time and served as a vehicle for others to donate. Writing a check from your millions is easy, but giving your time and being the solid role model that gets others to give is something special. Both on the ice and off, Adam Graves was as selfless as it gets.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, sports is a metaphor for life. It's the good people who are truly happy. Graves' accomplishments on the ice will not get him into the Hockey Hall of Fame, but he has been recognized by his teammates, the City of New York, nationwide organizations, and the National Hockey League for his actions on and off the ice.

He could have been greedy and selfish, but that's generally not how any team or individual achieves success. The whole is always the sum of its parts and Adam Graves was successful on a team that hadn't won the greatest trophy in all sports in over 50 years. He also played on a team with names such as Mark Messier, Brian Leetch, and Mike Richter, yet was able to be successful in his own right.

On the night Graves broke the Rangers goal scoring record, he was interviewed after the game by former Rangers goalie John Davidson and Sam Rosen who called the game. It was noted that shortly after he scored the Rangers record-breaking goal Wayne Gretzky scored an NHL record 802nd goal breaking Gordie Howe's record (same night, different game). The Rangers were in Edmonton (Gretzky's original team) so at a stoppage in play, they made an announcement about Gretzky's accomplishment to a standing ovation at the Oilers-Rangers game. Graves simply laughed it off telling Sam Rosen that his name should never be used in the same sentence as Wayne Gretzky-the best player to ever play the game.

That is #9 for ya.

So pop open a HE'BREW Mr. Graves because you earned it!

PS: If there are lots of errors on this post, it's because I had a few shots earlier at an engagement party but this post had to go up tonight for Adam Graves night.

Finally a reason to go to California

As fun as it would be to continue a certain blog war with Danielle, I don't think it needs to go beyond "I HAVE NO INTEREST IN SEEING SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE REGARDLESS OF HOW CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED IT WAS!"

There were other topics of conversation that night. For one, we also discussed her desire/plan to move to California. I have never been to the left coast. [Been as far as Edmonton, Alberta Canada, which is in the Canadian Rockies for those non-moose loving or geographically challenged folk.] I want to go out there and ride along the coast on my most awesome Cannondale roadbike, and also see friends, hit the beaches and check out the girls. Not that there aren't enough fake or enhanced girls in New York!

[NOTE: I would never go out there and escape the seasons. I am perfectly content with my New York summers and winters. I love the beach and love to ski. I can do without spring and fall.]

ANYWAY, Danielle asked me if I would visit her if she moved out there. Considering that in my many years of existence I have never ventured out there, was this enough to tip the scales, and go west (albeit for a brief vacation)?

I said yes because that's always the right thing to say, but then yesterday I finally got a good reason to go to California. After that football game last night (which I did watch very intently), I went online to re-watch the Audi commercial with Jason Statham ("The Transporter" or "El Transportador" south of the border). I also found this other Audi commercial which did not air in the US.

And THIS is why I need to go to California: