Sunday, May 24, 2009
Ode to Summer
Most of us probably got out of work early on Friday (myself included) so we can really make the most of the long holiday weekend. I can tell you that here in the NYC area, the weather has been great since early last week. [Editor's note: It may be longer than that but my memory will only go back that far.] I bet your weekend plans are probably very similar to mine and likely involve the 3-B's--beaches, barbecues, and booze. Ironically [Editor's note: there is no actual irony here, but I like the way the word fits] we all tend to forget the real reason we have this long weekend.
Folks, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the start of summer is not an actual holiday. I, for one, has been to the beach about a dozen times already. I don't make a habit of wearing white but if I did, it wouldn't necessarily start now or end on Labor Day. Then again I don't travel with the snooty crowd and go yachting with men in crested blazers and women who wear big hats. Does Memorial Day mean anything anymore?
So while this is the first official day of summer, beaches can now charge us to tan, and we can start wearing white again (but only until Labor Day), please don't forget what's really important. On this memorial day, make a point to remember all those men and women who fought for this country and continue to keep us safe. This year we should also remember that Nancy Pelosi is a threat to national security (but that's another post for another time).
Time for the Z-Man to get his barbecue ready for tonight. Be safe!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
And for those keeping score at home...
1. I got three less than friendly emails regarding a sarcastic comment about abortion. Look, it's your body do what you want--until it becomes my child!
2. I was tempted to watch last night's episode of How I Met Your Mother again just for laughs (but I didn't)
3. I was however so inspired by that episode that my period of inspiration extended to this exact moment in time as I type this, making this two posts in two days (again, for those of you keeping score at home and I know you are)
4. I was also able to keep my promise of making today productive. I sent out those emails I needed to respond to but kept pushing off, sent out several resumes for job postings, and dealt with my stupid insurance company for hopefully the last time. I also spent 3 solid hours doing legal research and actually learned something! I even set up my calendar on my pocketPC for the next two weeks. This is actually a big step because it also means I got to throw out scattered post-it notes and little pieces of paper with small notes on them. The rest of my day was so much less important that even if I had Twitter and was the uber-twit (or is that uber-tweet), I still wouldn't tweet those details.
5. Of course the productivity ended a little after 5pm when I got a call asking if I wanted to go play tennis. I'm not all that good at tennis but I have a tendency to drop what I'm doing to play most sports. I hope to improve on both my tennis and golf games over the summer so stay tuned. Either way, after tennis, I showered and went for dinner and then it was bum-city for the rest of the night until now, as I type this. At least my day ended on a productive note!
Credits
Steve Somers - host of local sports radio show on WFAN; known for using that line on the air referring to either ad numbers or segment numbers (I don't recall having stopped listening to "The Fan" many years ago with the exception of actual sporting events)
Ted Mosby - see earlier posts
"We all wanna live forever
we all wanna be something, someday
ready to face whatever's yet to come
and I'm starting it all today"
Stir - Climbing the Walls
Monday, May 18, 2009
Kids, let me tell you about the time when...
It's amazing that since January, I went from daily posts to posting on weekly basis. I'm still here so at least I kept one of my resolutions. It's not that I have nothing to write or that I don't care about my loyal readers (I'm optimistic that there's more than one). I come up with ideas for posts all the time but never actually get around to writing about them. I have a saved draft which contains a list of topics so I don't forget them but by the time I get around to write about them, they are no longer current so I exercise my pinkie and reach for that backspace key.
Of course today's edition was more than just to give another reason for lack of frequent posts. I was inspired to blog tonight after watching the season finale of How I Met Your Mother. As you probably gathered from previous posts (or the fact that I have a HIMYM tag) I'm quite a fan of the show. Well tonight's show was so inspirational that I actually used the word "inspire" twice.
SPOILER ALERT: IF YOU DID NOT SEE THE EPISODE YET, WATCH IT ONLINE AND CONTINUE READING IN 22 MINUTES. I WILL TRY NOT TO REVEAL ANYTHING CRUCIAL TO THE EPISODE BUT WATCH THE SHOW ANYWAY.
First, a quick round of "What Did We Learn" from tonight's episode?
To "pull a Mosby" means to tell a girl (or other half) how much you love her just so she can say no and push you away. In short, a great way to sabotage a relationship. (Exhibit A: Ted and Robin)
The show ended with the message to take that leap. [Editor's note: This is not a public service announcement condoning suicide. This leap is actually a metaphor if you choose to keep reading. But while I'm on the subject, maybe some people should just jump off their nearest tall structure. And while I'm being mean and hateful, over the many years of my life, I've season several examples of why abortion should be legal at all stages of pregnancy.]
...But I digress.
If you aren't completely repulsed by my views or attitude, back to this post. All the characters were facing some sort of struggle or challenge and rather than leave us the typical season finale cliffhanger (beyond the never ending question as to who is the mother) they all took a leap. I will not tell you what they did or how it played out, but I too am going to take a leap.
After a lazy day doing a little work-related research and not much else, I am declaring tomorrow a day of more productivity. I made a list of all the things I want to accomplish. A wise man once said "The road to productivity starts with a list." He also said "The road to discovery begins with scrapping that list" but I don't want to go there yet.
The leap started with this post, will continue tomorrow with a productive day (until I lose my list or get distracted), and will extend to an ongoing covert operation with Agent RW. Hopefully I will stay productive and ultimately score a new job.
That's all folks!
"Go on, get up, get out, don't even think about it,
you don't need to leave it behind but you can live without it,
jump in your car like you're ready to ride
You got a buck forty-five left to keep you alive"
-My Favorite Highway, Getaway Car
Monday, May 11, 2009
Tales of an Un(der)employed JD
My job search consists of frequent trips to various job boards. I check my law school, job boards specifically geared toward the legal practice, as well giants like Monster and Career Builder. None has proven to be all that fruitful. I can't forget good ol' reliable Craigslist.
On Craigslist, I went from applying to posts only when the one posting the position indicates the firm/company to anything that doesn't look like a 6 year old wrote it. At this point my resume gets around like a ______ (I'll let you fill this one in yourselves).
[Editor's note: If Phillip Markoff reads this blog and somehow obtained my resume, please don't kill me.]
While searching Craigslist, I came across this post which I just had to share with you guys. Since Craigslist deletes old postings, I copied it here for your reading pleasure. Enjoy!
ASSociate Attorney (Midtown West)
Reply to: job-ekpzv-1159642218@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-05-07, 5:25PM EDT
Small, congenial law firm needs top notch associate attorney to join our exceptional team. Please do not apply if you do not meet the following requirmenets:
1. Top half of the class at Harvard, Yale, UPenn, U Michigan, or Georgetown; top 10% at U Chicago, Boalt or UCLA. Top 1% everywhere else.
2. Law review and/or moot court experience a MUST.
3. Federal Clerkship REQUIRED.
4. Must be willing to accept $28,000 per year. $10,000 bonus for billing over 2500 hours a year. The bonus is pro-rata more, so it is worth the extra billing.
5. Must be willing to make coffee every hour, on the hour. The position is open becuase our last associate sustained severe burns from the hot plate in which the coffee post rests. We had to discharge him as he required too much "leave" time.
6. Insurance after two years, with employee contribution at 50%.
7. Must be willing to share a desk with a paralegal. She said you can have the top drawer.
8. Must be in the office by 8am, and remain until 10pm. On Fridays, you can leave by 9:30pm.
9. Must be a team player. Please send resume to the link above.
Good luck- hope to see you soon!
Compensation: $28,000
Original Source: http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/lgl/1159642218.html
"Just killing time watching all of the fads pass by
behind a window in a bar on the Upper East Side,
but I'll wait cuz it's never too late in the race
take a sip with a smile on my face (yeah)"
Brian Desveaux, New Wave
Friday, May 8, 2009
TGIF
I should note that there was a three hour break in the rain on Wednesday. Just in time for the Mets game which I had tickets for. More on that over the weekend when I have more time.
This was a long and trying week for me so rather than a cheery post, you get to read another post taken from the Opie and Anthony playbook. Opie and Anthony are a radio show that invented the F-U Friday. They have a dedicated phone line for those who wish to rant about something or give someone the big F-U. This is not my first F-U Friday entry. For those less regular readers, here is another.
About a month ago I bought second round playoff tickets for the New York Rangers. They were eliminated in the first round so the game never happened. $500 later and five weeks later TicketMaster finally credited me $497.
Why not the full $500? Well after speaking to a sales rep (read: not customer service) they told me that their policy was that this charge was nonrefundable. I asked to be transferred to someone whom I can speak to about that and he transferred me to customer service. [Editors Note: I would be remiss if I did not give them a kudos, as everyone I spoke with at TicketMaster was American and spoke English well.]
The first rep I spoke with told me that was part of the terms I agreed to when I made the purchase. Does anyone actually read the terms to any of these transactions or do they just hit submit? Not that I likely would have read the terms of sale more carefully, I did not exactly have time.
You see, TicketMaster puts a time limit on each stage of the checkout process. If that time runs out, you lose the seats. So while I had 2 minutes to accept the seats they offered me and then maybe 4 minutes to enter my personal information and credit card, there was no time to go through the pages and pages of fine print. While on hold waiting for a supervisor, I had 10 minutes to check out their website and buried in, they mention that this fee is nonrefundable.
I know it's only $3 but there's the principle behind this matter. Everyone assumes that items can be returned (unused or unopened) for a refund. Why should this be any different? I never liked TicketMaster for a number of reasons. First, they are a monopoly. This is really the only site to purchase tickets to large events. Unless I go directly to a physical box office, most venues direct me to the TicketMaster site to purchase tickets. It's almost impossible for someone else to come and provide the means to sell tickets to major events (resellers don't count). Second, they charge fees for every little thing, adding almost $10 to the cost of the ticket. It would be even more if I had them overnight the tickets but I cheaped out and chose regular mail.
The long version of this story includes one supervisor getting snippy with me and then hanging out and when I called back to speak to someone else, I sat on hold for quite some time.
In the end I got my $3 refunded but that doesn't change anything. Today, TicketMaster is honored on this very special Friday.
Happy Friday!
"Friday night, Saturday, Sunday morning
just waiting for the afternoon so I can be a kid again."
-Edna's Goldfish, Veronica Sawyer
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
So this is the new year...
My first real post on this blog (aside from the initial press conference to launch this) had the same title and opening. So what's the difference between this post and that first one? Well, with all my free time I've had the chance to compare where I am now to where I was a year ago at this time. Needless to say, this is the new year and I feel very, VERY different. For starters I now own some new(er) Death Cab for Cutie songs and can't get "Cath..." out of my head.
Most importantly, however, I am not sitting in a law library at this exact moment in time. In fact whenever you read this post, a year ago to the second I was probably be sitting in a law library.
For the past three years, prior to 2009, starting around April 15th I would take over a corner of the law library and prepare my outlines and study for the May exams. My only breaks would be class, food, and bathrooms. There were also occasional breaks to watch New York Rangers playoff games (with my notes) in the lounge and to go home to sleep and shower. Once exam period began, I spent about 15 hours a day in the school building studying. Makes you want to be an attorney!!!
It gets better. Really. Last year, for instance, April 15th marked the start of the summer of discontent [Editor's note: I wanted to include the track with the same name but couldn't find it]. After the marathon that is law school exams, a two-month ordeal known as bar prep began. This rite of passage kept me indoors for June and July. The closest thing this beach bum got to see of the beach was his weekly 6am bike ride along the south shore of Long Island before class. In 2008, summer began on August 1. Now do you want to be an attorney???
I am now enjoying my time not in school. My schedule does not revolve around classes but instead revolves around work, finding a new job, and trying to launch a new business. What will the rest of 2009 bring? Who knows?
2009 is more than 1/3 completed. Do you feel any different?
"We're going off the deepest end
to the summer of discontent,
I could be wrong,
I could alone,
I could pretend I'm superman"
-Corey, Summer of Discontent
Monday, May 4, 2009
I got a wave!!!
Now that I got that out of the way for the two people who may be confused, back to business. It is with great pleasure that I announce that this past weekend I got the wave!
I was in the city on Sunday with a friend, just minding my own business and out of nowhere, there it was...A hand directed at me with all five fingers extended. [Editor's note: I felt the need to add that last part because I have received a fraction of those fingers on many occasions.] I wish I could tell you what street I was on but unfortunately I got so cought up in the moment that the rest of the details are vague. It's like the opposite of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
And now to burst your collective bubbles...
Yes, the wave was real. Yes, it was in Manhattan. Yes, it was directed towards me. BUT I happened to be on my bicycle at the time (which is allowed) and the person waving to me was also on a bicycle.
I'm not going to get all preachy about being green and riding a bicycle because that is not me at all. On Earth Day I did not go out and get a Prius. I did however tell a bunch of people on the street trying to get me to become greener that they can do their part in cutting back on carbon dioxide (an alleged greenhouse gas) released if they would only stop breathing. Needless to say that while I don't "intentionally" destroy the environment, the vehicle that takes my bicycle to the place I go riding is usually an SUV that gets about 18-19 miles per gallon on the highway.
I'll tell you all about the ride in a later post but the point is that we should all take note of this cyclist's conduct and learn from him. I take part in a number of long distance cycling events and have found cyclists to be the friendliest and most courteous bunch around. This Sunday's event was no exception. Of all the riders on Sunday, I would say that a good 75% of those I encountered signalled to indicate a move they were about to make and then responded with a friendly wave.
Maybe it's because over the years we have learned the necessity to signal so we don't get hit by a car rather than actually being a good person, but whatever the reason, I'll take it. I get a little satisfaction in believing that if they signalled just so they don't get hit by a car, that incentive would no longer exist when there are only bicycles around them, yet they still signal.
Have you ever heard of the rival Cannondale and Schwinn biker gangs?
"I want to ride my bicycle,
I want to ride my bike"
-Queen, Bicycle Race
Friday, May 1, 2009
Do you like tofu?
The week is over for me so I will try to give you a nugget of humor to help pass the time until you can start your weekend. Today's pick is ripped straight from the headlines. That's right folks, I am not making this up.
A Denver woman was denied her vanity plate containing the text "ILVTOFU." A vegetarian and mother of three (who also probably only eat the food that my food eats) requested this plate as a way to express herself and her love for all things not animal. The multi-grain woman was shocked when she learned that her request was denied. In fact the news left her a little crunchy. [These jokes just write themselves]. She was so miffed that she almost had a cow (I like mine medium-rare).
The state claimed that her message was obscene and they make a compelling case. One could easily read the plate as I-LV-TOFU, as the woman sought, or the state's reading of I-LV-TO-F-U. Maybe the state did a background check and found that she was arrested for lewd conduct on a number of occasions or was busted for prostitution. At risk of being hit with a slander suit, DotCW staff has not been able to confirm the allegations of her past and are provided solely for the purpose of humor.
Is this a case of bias towards the oat bran bunch? PETA reportedly offered to pay the $60 fee for the vanity plates so that should be enough reason to deny the request. Anyone that cannot enjoy a good steak or thinks that they can squeeze a soy and get milk probably needs a little more cow in their diet. If we've learned anything from "Meet the Parents," it's that you can't milk a soy. For those of you who do not believe anything in movies, take Lewis Black's word for it. If Sir Lewis Black (he has not actually been knighted but I use it as a term of respect) says it, then you know it's true.
Back to the news, this is the same state that denied plates such as 3RDFNGER and VINO. Do we want to protect kids from seeing these license plates and asking their parents what the big deal is about the third finger? What's the difference when they are probably going to see the middle finger first hand anyway and ask what that guy over with his finger out the window is going?
[Courtesy of ABC Denver. Actual story can be found here]
Happy Friday!!!
We wear our apathy with Abercrombie pride,
Cuz not caring is the latest fashion.
-Sprout, Lifecycle
Monday, April 27, 2009
Life's Greatest Mysteries
I say this as a biased New Yorker who has lived in Manhattan or no more than 40 minutes away my entire life. I've had the opportunity to see many sides of the city and from many angles. Whether it's just walking around my city and playing tourist (a spectator sport which always involves me mocking actual tourists), peering out from a rooftop or high floor apartment marvelling over the sheer size and beauty, or circling the island on my bike (bicycle, not motorcycle), there's nothing better, especially when it's sunny and in the 70s.
So where am I going with this? Among the marvels of NYC are some mysteries and secrets. There are rumors of an underground city accessible through the subway tunnels. And did you know that the Rockefeller family purchased some land across the Hudson River (in New Jersey) to ensure that the views from northern Manhattan will overlook a park rather than anything else so hideous that it could only come from Jersey?
One mystery which I apparently will never solve is what they are doing with the 59th Street Bridge. To avoid the tolls into Manhattan you can ride this span, also known as the Queensboro Bridge, from Long Island City (which is in Queens, not Long Island) to 59th Street on the east side of Manhattan. For years I've been going this way and notice cables, scaffolding and what looks like some tarp to keep debris from falling onto the roadway of the bridge from the upper portion of steel, cables, and whatnot [Editor's note: whatnot is not an actual construction term].
I've driven across this bridge hundreds of times at all hours yet have never seen anyone working on the bridge. In the last few weeks alone, I've been on the bridge early morning, mid-morning, mid- and late afternoon and early evening and late at night on weekdays and early afternoon and late nights on weekends. Many of those hours are off peak and are suitable for construction work. Yet I've never seen a hard hat, traffic cone, flashing yellow lights, spotlights or that annoying dude with the reflective vest and the orange flag.
Anyone want to take a stab at this one for me? What are they doing and when do they anticipate finishing it?
For more on this bridge, check out the Wikipedia entry here. And remember, if it's on Wikipedia, it has to be true!
I am Ted Mosby
One of my regulars is How I Met Your Mother. I started watching about a year ago and was all caught up in about 2 weeks.
The show used to start with a scene featuring two teenagers on a couch and the caption "2025." The narrator, voiced by Bob Saget, addressed those "kids" telling them the story about the time when...(cut to present for the actual episode). The idea is that all these stories lead to the story of how Ted Mosby (one of the main characters) met his wife and mother of those kids.
Anyway, last week's episode, entitled "Mosbius Designs" tells the story of Ted as he starts up his own architecture firm out of his apartment. Ted is an architect by trade who was working for a large firm up until recently. I too should have been an architect. Here I am, un(der)employed and in debt with a law degree, when I really want to work in real estate, maybe for a developer. If I had the architecture background I could be planning something better than the awful looking buildings sprouting up in Manhattan and surrounding boroughs. Of course at the same time I am working on a number of business ideas, one of which is real estate related.
Ted has had an interesting relationship history. Some noteworthy relationships include an on-again-off-again with Robin (the token Canadian main character), the overplayed relationship with the divorcee from Jersey (played by Sarah Chalke of Scrubs fame), and that girl who was crazy but Ted was too clueless to see that.
Do you really think I am going to run through my relationship history? HA! I will say that I never dated a Jersey girl but did have a Robin who was not born in the United States. Ted and I are both single. By 2025, Ted is married and has two teenage children. I see myself married with children then too.
There are more similarities but here are a few minor differences. I dress a lot better than Ted and do not own a pair of g-kwok approved red cowboy boots (which made another appearance this week). Ted has a much nicer apartment than me and also a hot (albeit Canadian and in real life very pregnant) roommate.
Catch How I Met Your Mother on Monday nights on CBS or on your favorite legal (or illegal) website. And please do not call me Theodore, Theo, or even Ted.
They say that we're dreaming too big. I say this town's too small!
-Ryan Star, Brand New Day (Theme to Lie to Me)
[This quote feature is new but expect something on every post based on a song stuck in my head or something related to this post]
The Courtesy Wave is only Dead in Spirit
I do a lot of driving. My last car lease gave me 45,000 miles but I wound up driving close to 55,000 miles over those three years. Fortunately I switched cars with the 'rents who used mine for local driving so I can continue my 60-120 mile daily commutes without getting slammed for going over my mile allowance. Yet with all this driving I cannot recall the last time I was the recipient of the courtesy wave.
Take yesterday for example. After riding 24 miles in Central Park, I went to Long Island to mark the first beach day in New York. Because of traffic I took a different route. I'm on the Van Wyck and some old guy in a Chevy Impala cuts me off. I was about one and a half car lengths from the car in front of me but he just shot in there and slammed on his brakes causing me to stop short. Just before cutting me off he was bearing right to go on the Jackie Robinson but then swung left through that painted white triangle by the exit ramp. Next thing I know he's right in front of me.
You would think the old guy would have given me the courtesy, but NO! I can understand the young people (like me), many of whom grew up without a care in the world and everything revolving around them--the card carrying members of the I-society, as I prefer to call them. But this guy was from a different generation, from a time when everyone gave the courtesy wave, a time when you smiled and waved at the guy in the car stopped next to you at a red light because you probably knew him from somewhere (and if not, you still smiled and wave just to be polite) NOT to see who can get through the intersection first. Clearly I was mistaken.
Fast forward to today where I am still trying to bring back the courtesy wave. This may take some time but everyone can do their part. I stand here today to tell you that while the courtesy wave is on life support, this blog is not. With a little help from you, the future can be a bright one. With a little less laziness from me, this blog's future can be just as bright. Let's all do our part to create this wonderful future (and vote for me for _____ in 20__!!!)
[Editor's note: while reading over this post, I noticed a few instances of a blog post reading like a political speech. It is for that reason that I chose to end the post as I did.]
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
My Own Personal Mentos Commercial
Remember those Mentos commercials of old where someone would be in a pickle, pops in a Mentos (or is Mento the singular form?), and suddenly everything works out. Add the jingle and a big smile while you flash your pack of Mentos and BOOM, you have one of the more popular commercials from the 90's.
So two Monday's ago I had to get to court in Manhattan to make a filing deadline. [Yes, I was playing lawyer.] Early in the morning I was putting the finishing touches on the memos and motions on Wrong Island (Long Island to the rest of you) and spent two hours at Fedex-Kinkos copying, inserting tabs and exhibits, and finally binding the documents. Of course to complicate things, I had to be on Wall Street at 1pm for a networking group meeting (my first meeting with this group).
I got home from Fedkos (for short) knowing I would never make the train I planned for, that would allow me to not rush to the meeting. By the time I showered and suited up, I had to rush to make that next train. That train wasn't getting into Penn Station until about 12:35pm and then I would have to wait for a subway and find my way to this building I had never been to before. I figured worst case scenario I would get to the meeting 5 minutes in but thought the meeting would never start on time anyway.
I took a seat on the train with my iPod trying to catch my breath after a marathon morning. So far things were going okay and at least it wasn't raining! [No, I didn't jinx the weather by saying that.] The train pulled into the Jamaica station where I would have to pick up a connecting train. Sure enough I saw the electronic display indicating that that train was running five minutes late. I immediately call the person who invited me to attend the meeting to let him know there were delays and I would probably be late.
The train finally arrives but next thing I know I'm sitting on the connecting train for another ten minutes not moving. Just my luck. Back to the iPod until we pull into Penn Station. Fortunately I had a MetroCard in my wallet so at least I wouldn't have to stop and purchase a new one. WRONG! I had $1.05 and needed $2 for the ride. So now I had to wait in line at the machines to refill my card. As I go to swipe my card I heard a train pulling in. I ran up the stairs hoping that of the 2 trains that run both uptown and downtown (4 possible trains) the train that just pulled in was mine and praying that the doors were still open.
It was the express 3-train heading downtown! Exactly what I wanted and I made it just in time for the famous "Stand clear of the closing doors please." Not thinking about anything I popped a Mentos (Mento just sounds funny) in my mouth because I needed a little sugar. As I settled into my seat for until the Wall Street stop I realized that I just starred in my own Mentos commerical. All that was missing was the perfect smile and the flash of the Mentos with the label facing the camera.
In case you're wondering I was only about 5 minutes late. The subway stop was right next door to the building I needed to be at and they had just started. Everyone was in the conference room and of course there were no more chairs so a receptionist ran to get one leaving me standing in the corner while they proceeded. It all worked out in the end and I made sure to arrive early to yesterday's meeting. I also was able to make it to court after the meeting and filed the documents just before the filing deadline.
This got me thinking...They obviously still sell Mentos mints and candies but they stopped with the commericals. Why??? Search on YouTube for Mentos commericals and you'll see the old spots and many parodies.
This is my favorite parody which also happens to be a music video from the Foo Fighters (they used to make such creative videos)
[10 points if you tell me why I tagged Scrubs in this post. I know the opening sounds right out of 24.]
Friday, April 3, 2009
Don't you hate it when this happens...
Reporters call Hillary Clinton, get phone sex line
From CNN Ticker Producer Alexander Mooney
(CNN) – Journalists who dialed in to a White House conference call Thursday hoping for a media-friendly reception got a far friendlier response than they were counting on.
Instead of hearing Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and National Security Advisor Jim Jones on the other end laying out foreign policy and security threats, reporters were greeted by a recording on a phone sex line.
"Do you have any hidden desires? If you feel like getting nasty, then you came to the right place," said a suggestive-sounding woman.
The White House says an aide merely mistyped the 800-dial in number — a mistake not likely to happen again.
It's a new administration, but an old problem: Some homeowners seeking mortgage relief from a Bush administration hotline in 2007 instead reached a Texas-based group that provides Christian education after President Bush slightly jumbled the correct number at a press briefing.
http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2009/04/02/reporters-want-hillary-clinton-get-phone-sex-line/
Z-Man's take: Guess it's a nice change from when calls to phone sex lines originated in the White House. Then again, I never thought I would read anything about sex and that other Clinton fella in the same sentence. Oh how things come to a complete circle.
Happy Friday!
Thursday, April 2, 2009
I'm Alive
Which reminds me...for my next vacation, I wanna go to Phuket, Thailand. Not because I like Thai food (they just call it food) but because it's funny when people try to pronounce it.
HINT: it does not rhyme with bucket.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Happy Saturday!
To keep things light for the weekend, I decided to share (read: subject you to) a clip I found online. The clip features Andy Richter (formerly of Late Night with Conan O'Brien and some failed pilots) and some other guy.
To which I say "take that you Prius-driving hippies!"
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Holy %@#$, I'm an Attorney!
[Congrats law school, I guess that means you've taken my soul and now I can proceed to actually practicing law]
So why am I telling you all this?
After my last final exam, I went home and took a nap. There was no celebrating, rather I simply went on with my regular life. [Editor's note: I always made a point to separate my law school life and my personal life] After my law school graduation, I went for dinner with my family and then to a graduation party. At the party, I didn't have any of those "dude, we graduated law school" moments.
Then came the bar exam in July. Those were some good times! After I finished, I called a friend of mine who was obviously a lot more excited than I was. She asked me why I wasn't all excited and I told her that I guess it hadn't hit me yet [and didn't for another 7 months]. I was glad it was over and that a weight was lifted off of me, but maybe I couldn't celebrate a process that wasn't complete until the results came out in November.
The results came out on a Friday in mid-November. After trying to log in for 4 hours, I finally got the news that I passed. [yay!] Again, my friends and family were excited and I was just glad it was over. That Saturday night I went out with some pre-law school friends and did our usual weekend whatnots. [Editor's note: once you start law school, your life is divided into 2 parts--before and after]
Fast forward to last night. I was invited to a costume party and being on a tight budget, I was trying to put something together for cheap. I know my brother has a set of real scrubs. [He's not a doctor but "borrowed" them from a hospital] We all know how much I love the show Scrubs so I decided to go as J.D., Zach Braff's character. I had a little free time yesterday so I started toying with an ID tag, as all the doctors at Sacred Heart (fictional hospital on the show) wear.
At the party people were asking if I came straight from work or if that was a costume. A few people actually saw my ID around my neck and figured out my character. [Apparently not enough people at this party were familiar with the show.] I had a great time at the party but that's not the point of this post.
After spending some time at this place and a few drinks, I slowly made my way out. As I was leaving, some guy asked if I was a doctor. Fair question and he seemed reasonably sober. I paused and said "No, actually I'm an attorney." I guess that's the closest to a "Holy %@#$", I'm an Attorney!" moment I'll get.
[I got some mad fake ID skillz!]
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Celebrity Apprentice Bonus
A full recap/commentary will follow but for now, here's the cast to make fun on on your own as I have and will continue to do:
- Annie Duke - poker is not a job (but proven lucrative)
- Andrew Dice Clay - Hickory dickory dock, way to easy to mock (and first one fired)
- Brian McKnight - the R&B singer who's NOT R. Kelly
- Brande Roderick - look at me, I'm in Playboy (again not a job, but lucrative)
- Clint Black - that's why they call me a cowboy, baby (remember than Kid Rock song?)
- Claudia Jordan - WHO??? (Deal or No Deal Model)
- Dennis Rodman - too easy
- Herschel Walker - ex-NFL'er, ex-US Bobsled team member (they spelled his name wrong on the Apprentice site)
- Jesse James - yes, related to the legend with his namesake (much better in Monster Garage)
- Joan Rivers - help me, I'm melting (old enough to be cast as the "I've fallen and I can't get up" lady)
- Khloe Kardashian - why is she famous?
- Melissa Rivers - slowly catching up to mom in the plastic surgery department
- Natalie Gulbis - female golfers are celebrities?
- Scott Hamilton - Olympic figure skater
- Tom Green - he's still alive?
- Tionne Watkins - the "T" in the has-been group TLC
Editor's note: I chose to put the list in alphabetical order based on first names (like you even noticed) because that's how it was on the Apprentice site.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
San Diego is Evil!
This friend talks more about the greatness that is San Diego than she does about the virtues of the most awesome movie masterpiece of the century--Slumdog Millionaire of course (which I still have not seen nor intend to see). This friend also happens to also be one of my closest friends while I was in law school and if I ever find myself out west, I will make a point to visit her. I'm sure she will be happier out there than I am in NY.
The purpose of this post is not to dwell on my friend but to let out some anger. As you all know, I'm working on developing a number of business ideas. I also recently got back from a trip to Canada which was both business and pleasure. This story relates to the business side. The friends happen to be my marketing consultant and graphic designer.
Late one night over Presidents' Weekend we were trying to come up with a business name. Because of the nature of the business, certain names can be twisted into something dirty while my business is child friendly. So I asked my friends for some help. During a brainstorming session (around midnight) , the graphic designer came up with the best idea. I was thinking about it all weekend and up until today and really took a liking to it. I even started doodling on a pad to see what I can do for a logo. [I am fairly creative and artistically talented both on and off the computer.]
Earlier today I started doing a due diligence search to see if the name is already being used. First I checked in New York and the name was not in use. Then I checked nationally just in case my company makes it big. Sure enough, the first result in my search was a business operating out of San Diego, California. That business was somewhat related but the model is completely different. Unfortunately, the business (which shall remain nameless) took my name and had the domain name up and running for some time now. Back to the drawing board for me!
The moral of the story is that the founder of that business is evil, the city of San Diego is just as evil, and California is beyond evil. Don't get me wrong, I wish the owner and the business lots of success because I have nothing against him or his business. Plus, everyone knows that karma is a [censored].
[Editors Note: I know I'm blaming the entire city in a state I know little about (other than the fact that the people are weird and their governor is Kindergarten Cop) but I am miffed. It's always easier to blame a large group and make generalizations rather than go after the individual or small group who is/are the source of the problem. I don't actually hate La Ciudad de San Diego or the people of California (except the hippies, Nancy Pelosi, and the illegals).]
Please direct any and all complaints about this post or any other post on this blog to (212) 479-7990.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Celebrity Apprentice
I think I would be some serious competition on The Amazing Race as I'm fairly bright, fast, and like to travel. [Very generic, I know, but anyone can be on this show.] I used to love those reality dating shows like Blind Date, Elimidate, and The 5th Wheel. Those were some quality shows, predating all those MTV ripoffs and The Bachelor. You know it's a small world when a former stalker was on Elimidate choosing from four potential suitors. I feel bad for the guy she wound up with.
My fondness for The Apprentice dates back to the first season. Putting Mr. Trump's ego aside, the premise sounded quite entertaining. Here you have 14 contestants who have achieved some amount of success or advanced degree and break them down into two teams. The teams are challenged and every week a contestant is "fired." In the end, the last man standing receives a job offer from the Trump Organization with a salary of $250,000 (plus fame). Finally a smart concept.
I enjoyed the show so much that in the summer of 2005 I decided to interview (read: apply). I was recently removed from a top-tier university and working in real estate. That qualifies me to work for Donald Trump at a nice 6-figure salary--or so I thought. I arrived at the Trump Tower at 4am anticipating a long line for interviews. There were only a few people ahead of me in line, and until the doors opened at 9am, a line circled the block and then some. I was in the first group and thought I nailed the group interview but never heard back. While I haven't been able to confirm this, Donald Trump was so impressed with my credentials that he decided it wouldn't be fair for me to compete with those peons. (How else do you think I know about his freakishly large hands as mentioned in the "About Me" section to your right?)
Fast forward to Sunday night where the second rendition of Celebrity Apprentice premiered. This season's crop of "celebrities" are some of the top C-listers out there. It's a who's who of attention cravers. The group includes Joan and Melissa "do not expose to direct sunlight for fear of melting" Rivers, Dennis Rodman, Tom Green (my male front runner at this point), Herschel Walker (former NFL'er and US Olympian), some Playboy Playmate, a professional poker player (my female front runner), a token country singer, Brian McKnight (the black R&B singer that WASN'T busted for kiddie porn--you're thinking R. Kelly) and Andrew Dice Clay who is vying for another comeback after his last reality show disaster.
The Celebrity Apprentice does not offer anyone a job (thankfully), rather gives large sums of money to various charities each week. Of course every week a bloated ego gets fired. The celebrity version is terrible but it's kind of amusing watching all these personalities go at it. [Editors note: I refuse to watch anything on E! so this is the extent of my interest in celebrity squabbles.]
It can be quite entertaining at times. For example in Sunday's episode each team had to bake cupcakes. Yes, cupcakes!!! Just the idea of putting these people in a kitchen to do something so ridiculous is...uh...laughable. Anyway, I don't want to give away too much so check it out for yourself on Sunday nights on NBC (or your favorite internet TV site).
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Ode to Hockey
I had the chance to watch the last 3 games in full and was reminded why the hockey, more specifically the NHL, is the greatest of all major professional sports Enjoy the list of reasons why and I await the debate that will follow.
- Stanley Cup
This is the holy grail of professional sports. Weighing 35 pounds and displaying the names of every player and coach from every team to win the cup, there is no championship trophy that even comes close. - Changing on the Fly
If you watch the sport, you'll know what this means. For the rest of you, I will elaborate. During play, players from both teams are free to come on and off the ice so long as they don't exceed the maximum number allowed at a give time. They change shifts as players get tired or to better match the players on the opposing side. This would never work in baseball or football, but how great would it be if the NBA allowed changing on the fly? - True International Sport
There is no sport played in more (real) countries and there is no sport with as many nations represented in the greatest league in the world. Baseball is a distant second, but it's easy to argue that the entire Latin America is just one nation. [No apologies to my Latino friends]. Also, the top players all time are NOT Americans. - Fighting
Is there any other sport where fighting is virtually expected? Someone takes a cheap shot at your star player, you drop the stick, drop the gloves and go at it like men. It won't lead to fines or suspensions, rather a few minutes in the penalty box or possibly an ejection. Sometimes even the goalies go at it! - Referees
The game is played on ice. Only in hockey are the refs in such great shape that they can skate around the ice for 60 minutes watching the play, dodging pucks and dodging players that are flying around at all times. Can you name another sport where the refs jump in the middle of a fight to try to break it up? - "Hits the Post!"
There is no sound that gets a crowd up off their feet in all sports. The swoosh of a jumper doesn't make the cut and how many cracks off a baseball bat sound like a home run only to fall well short of the outfield wall? To hockey fans especially the clank off the post or crossbar is the best or worst sound one can hear in a game. If the puck is shot at your goalie, it's a gasp of relief and if your player takes the shot the crowd lets out a collective "ugh" as the puck sails to the corner. - The Names
You can't make up some of these names or the nicknames. Hakan Loob, Jeff Beukeboom, Jarko Ruuto, or the legend--wait for it--dary Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux, or Maurice "Rocket" Richard (who had a brother Henri known as "Pocket Rocket"). - The Moves
You watch SportsCenter on a given day during hockey season and you're bound to see at least on goal or save on their top plays. Search "Alex Ovechkin" on YouTube and you will see poetry in motion [I have no idea what that means]. Put him up against ANY move in basketball. It would compare closest to football where a running back makes a bunch of moves to get by the opposing defensive line. The difference is that after he gets by them, he still doesn't have a goalie blocking a goal only six feet wide. - The Calls
There's something about hockey announcers that's different from any other announcer. [Disclaimer: there are always exceptions, but for the following observation, I'm speaking of the norm.] There may be an unwritten rule that announcers are not allowed to get too excited while calling a game. In hockey you don't have that. While you're on YouTube, check out the "Matteau Goal" or listen to the Pittsburgh Penguins radio voice with his growling "hhhheeee shoots he scooooores." This is more than your Marv Albert or Joe Buck. Think Al Michaels' call from the "Miracle on Ice."
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thank Dad It's Friday!
This post isn't going to harp on religion, so feel free to keep reading.
Anyway, in case you were wondering, Jesus would probably go out to the bars on weekends, but not on the Sabbath. That's a big no-no on the Jewish top ten list. Also, for those wondering, he would get a cab and not drive under the influence of alcohol. There is one that I still can't quite figure out. I've asked many historians and theologians and no one can come to a consensus on what Jesus would do for a Klondike bar.
Thinking more about Jesus, I bet he would be a lot of fun at a bar. He'd make the perfect wingman since he's always looking out for others. I would totally go drinking with him. In fact, the first round of HE'BREWs would be on me. [Who said Jews are cheap?]
Well that's it for me. In closing, as Jesus would say, "thank Dad it's Friday!"
Happy Friday!
PS: I think I'm going to add a Jesus tag. I have a feeling he will be resurrected in a number of future posts.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Oh Canada!
Today's post is a special shout out to our neighbor to the north...good ol' Canadia [misspelling intended]
EDITOR'S NOTE: This post is especially late because now I've been back in New York for about a week and a half.
While I sit around wasting time, looking for a job, and starting a business (or 3), I figured that such a stressful life deserves a vacation. Presidents' weekend is a nice long weekend so I figured that would be a good time to go away. So then I needed to decide where to go. My income is limited so it would have to be cheap and even these days, flights are too pricey. That narrowed the vacation radius to 7 hours of driving.
What better than to spend Presidents' weekend in a country where the weekend has no significance!?!?! Montreal, here we come! So I packed my stuff and planned to visit some friends from college and their kids and other friends up there. The week leading up to the weekend happened to have been incredibly busy so planning was last minute. I packed my skis with the intention of skiing one of those days, but between everyone schedules (the friends I drove to split gas and other friends) skiing wasn't going to happen so I my skis at my friends apartment in the city.
Over the weekend we realized that this was my ninth trip to Canada. The next time I go and get my card punched, I get a free sub, or car wash, or pint of Labatt.
So here are the highs and lows from the weekend (in no order):
- Didn't see any moose
- Good homemade pancakes on Sunday with (probably) authentic maple syrup
- Didn't see any mounties
- It was a little colder than I packed for (even after traveling there twice in the last 4 years, both in the winter)
- Whatshername (there's always a girl involved)
- Making it home in 5 and a half hours even after being stopped at customs for trying to smuggle a Canadian into the states (and no crazy speeding either)
- Playing hockey with my friends oldest kid in the living room (I love hockey)
- Those kids REALLY tire me out
- Drank a lot, but didn't have any Canadian beer
- Not as much snow as I thought
- Getting out of New York
- Not exchanging any money or speaking a word of French
- Waiter at the restaurant Saturday night who was a little too excited to talk politics with an American
On a side note, while waiting for whatshername to pick me up, I found some hockey on TV. The only problem was that the game was televised in French. I know about 7 French words that have nothing to do with hockey. No problem as I watched the game on mute and listened to NHL radio. I'd rather deal with a 5 second delay in the play-by-play than have to listen to the action in French
USA! USA! USA!
I Love You, Man
Before my Presidents' Weekend excursion to our neighbor to the north (see next post) I had a chance to catch an advanced screening of the upcoming flick, "I Love You, Man" starring Paul Rudd and Jason Segel. The film hits theaters on March 20th but here's a sneak peak:
Paul Rudd is the main character and the movie opens with him proposing to his girlfriend. While they plan the wedding, he and his fiance discover that while he has lots of female friends, he has very few guy friends, and no best man. Rudd's character then goes on a series of "man dates" to find a best man for the wedding.
Funnier Moment: Paul Rudd goes to Jason Segel's house following a man date. Segal introduces the dog as Anwar Sadat. When asked why he calls his dog Anwar Sadat, Segel replies "because he looks like Anwar Sadat" and the camera pans to a picture hanging on Segel's wall of the real Anwar Sadat.
I highly recommend this movie for a lots of laughs. [Okay, that sounds really lame] Guest starring Rush (the band) Jamie Pressly, Jon Favreau, and Lou Ferrigno (the original Incredible Hulk). Rated R for language and sexual innuendo (cue The Todd).
Check out the trailer:
SPOILER ALERT (which will have no impact on any storyline): You will not see as much Jason Segel as you saw in his last film, "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." END OF SPOILER
Monday, February 23, 2009
I'm Baaaaack!
As much as I resolved to stay on top of this blog, I have failed. But guess what? I don't care.
While I plan to keep up with this, I still make the rules. I reserve the right to go on vacations, get sick, or stay away from computers for extended periods. However, at the request of my fans, I will resume posting and include the posts that I wrote in my head during my absence.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. [Editors note: I've never said this nor heard anyone else actually say it, but just roll with it.] Thanks for missing me and stay tuned to a record [for this blog at least] number of posts over a short period of time.
Warmest regards, [can I be any more full of it?]
DeathoftheCourtesyWave [can I have a longer name?]
Friday, February 6, 2009
Happy Friday!
Today's Friday session with yours truly will be devoted to sayings that make absolutely no sense or just rub me the wrong way.
1. Under the weather
We all know this to mean that someone isn't feeling well. That could span anything from a lil tummy ache to projectile vomiting to a mild cough. But how does that have anything to do with being under the weather? Earlier this week we got about 5 inches of snow in New York. When I left my house, it snowed on me. Then, and only then, was I under the weather. When the suns rays burn my skin while I'm laying on the beach in August, Captain Weatherman would say it's sunny, and again, I would probably be under the weather. But when I'm sitting around my house and I'm seeing weather out my window that doesn't impact on me in any way until I step outside and it actually hits me.
2. Rubs me the wrong way
Anytime you hang out with a large crowd, there's always this one guy/girl who just irks you. Some say that person "rubs you the wrong way." Unless your nemesis is a licensed masseuse, chances are they are not rubbing you the wrong way. Right now I've have my Swedish "assistant" (she's definitely not a Sven) giving my a full body massage while I dictate this post to my midget personal secretary at the computer. She's rubbing me the right way, but if she did something wrong, I would surely point it out to her and tell her that she was rubbing me the wrong way.
3. Sounds like a plan
Now my personal favorite! If I tell you that I'll pick you up at 7pm and we'll go for sushi, can't you simply say "I'll see you then?" NO. That would be asking too much. Instead you have to say "sounds like a plan." I guess it is technically a plan, but it's rather weak. Maybe we should try this: You flash the valet and I'll steal all the keys till I find the nicest car on the lot. Then I'll drop the top, pull up to the front and while you're dancing in front of the valets you'll jump into the car as I speed away. We'll pull into my friend Vinnie's body shop for a quick license plate and registration swap and he'll pry off the VIN. Maybe he'll add a racing strips across the hood and trunk. Then we'll sneak out a side exit, avoid all cops, and drive off into the sunset where I'll pull over so we can eat sushi and watch the sun set. Now THAT is a plan!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
#9
Tonight I would like to dedicate this post to Adam Graves, #9. Adam Graves was not the biggest, strongest, fastest or hardest shooter, but he was a solid all-around player. His teammates enjoyed the time with him and he was good to them. Adam Graves played hockey the way it should be played. He was smart, quick, played solid defense, and stood up for his teammates. Getting a busted lip or broken nose or teeth knocked out was a regular occurrence for Graves.
Not only that, Graves was a solid role model off the ice. Many athletes have their own "foundations." There may be some generosity, but it's also good for tax purposes when athletes make a hefty sum of money. Adam Graves not only gave to charities, but also gave time and served as a vehicle for others to donate. Writing a check from your millions is easy, but giving your time and being the solid role model that gets others to give is something special. Both on the ice and off, Adam Graves was as selfless as it gets.
As I mentioned in an earlier post, sports is a metaphor for life. It's the good people who are truly happy. Graves' accomplishments on the ice will not get him into the Hockey Hall of Fame, but he has been recognized by his teammates, the City of New York, nationwide organizations, and the National Hockey League for his actions on and off the ice.
He could have been greedy and selfish, but that's generally not how any team or individual achieves success. The whole is always the sum of its parts and Adam Graves was successful on a team that hadn't won the greatest trophy in all sports in over 50 years. He also played on a team with names such as Mark Messier, Brian Leetch, and Mike Richter, yet was able to be successful in his own right.
On the night Graves broke the Rangers goal scoring record, he was interviewed after the game by former Rangers goalie John Davidson and Sam Rosen who called the game. It was noted that shortly after he scored the Rangers record-breaking goal Wayne Gretzky scored an NHL record 802nd goal breaking Gordie Howe's record (same night, different game). The Rangers were in Edmonton (Gretzky's original team) so at a stoppage in play, they made an announcement about Gretzky's accomplishment to a standing ovation at the Oilers-Rangers game. Graves simply laughed it off telling Sam Rosen that his name should never be used in the same sentence as Wayne Gretzky-the best player to ever play the game.
That is #9 for ya.
So pop open a HE'BREW Mr. Graves because you earned it!
PS: If there are lots of errors on this post, it's because I had a few shots earlier at an engagement party but this post had to go up tonight for Adam Graves night.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Finally a reason to go to California
There were other topics of conversation that night. For one, we also discussed her desire/plan to move to California. I have never been to the left coast. [Been as far as Edmonton, Alberta Canada, which is in the Canadian Rockies for those non-moose loving or geographically challenged folk.] I want to go out there and ride along the coast on my most awesome Cannondale roadbike, and also see friends, hit the beaches and check out the girls. Not that there aren't enough fake or enhanced girls in New York!
[NOTE: I would never go out there and escape the seasons. I am perfectly content with my New York summers and winters. I love the beach and love to ski. I can do without spring and fall.]
ANYWAY, Danielle asked me if I would visit her if she moved out there. Considering that in my many years of existence I have never ventured out there, was this enough to tip the scales, and go west (albeit for a brief vacation)?
I said yes because that's always the right thing to say, but then yesterday I finally got a good reason to go to California. After that football game last night (which I did watch very intently), I went online to re-watch the Audi commercial with Jason Statham ("The Transporter" or "El Transportador" south of the border). I also found this other Audi commercial which did not air in the US.
And THIS is why I need to go to California:
Friday, January 30, 2009
F-U Friday
So instead of ending the week on a happy note, I will pull a page from the Opie and Anthony playbook and contribute to their F-U Fridays.
Earlier in the week I made a post about things that bother me. I think I made it pretty clear that I am annoyed with Dish Network and Versus for not allowing my to watch/record the NHL All-Star Game and skills competition. Well now my F-U goes out to the good people at Dish Network.
Towards the end of the month, Dish Network releases new channels to preview for a month. In the past I've enjoyed stations such as the Do It Yourself Network, National Geographic, and Fine Living (all in varying degrees). Today I checked the previews for the new month and sure enough I can enjoy the quality programming on Versus for the month of February.
DOES ANYONE CARE ABOUT THE PROGRAMS ON VERSUS IN FEBRUARY??? I missed all-star weekend and the playoffs don't start for a few months. In case anyone is wondering, fishing was on when I checked it out.
Way to blow that one Dish Network.
Happy Friday!
PS: My name is DeathoftheCourtesyWave and I have no interest in seeing Slumdog Millionaire.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Pimp My Ride - Executive Edition
The show had a modest following and they've "pimped" all sorts of cars.
Today we are "pimping" the presidential limousine. Why? Because we can! Also because the most powerful man in the world should have the most awesome vehicle. We all know how ginormous his car is, given the 2-inch think armored windows, 6-inch thick armored doors, and the ability to withstand attacks from the best that over 170 countries can throw at it. I should also add that this "car" is almost as tall as our president and taller than some secret servicemen, rides on truck tires, and can probably off-road as well as most SUVs. Let's just say this Cadillac looks like a car but most suspect it's based on a GM truck platform. There's a reason that insiders have called this limo "The Beast." The exact specs for President Obama's car are classified (shocker!).
There are just a few guidelines to "pimping" such a vehicle. First, we cannot disrespect the car or rider by giving it a crazy paint job. If we are going to add an insane sound system, it can only play "Hail to the Chief." I thought about putting a giant flag on the hood but this isn't Washington Heights (and Obama isn't Dominican). Finally, no spoilers that look like park benches.
So here's the plan:
1. Lot's of chrome.
If applied properly, chrome denotes wealth. If applied incorrectly, it looks straight out of Compton. The Cadillac grille could use a little more shine and maybe some trim. OK, while I'm out it, why not model the chrome add-ons after this beauty spotted in Dubai.
2. Spinners.
How do you stop any potential assassination attempts? Distract them with the hypnotic powers of spinners. You think Lee Harvey Oswald (or that secret shooter) would have hit JFK if his car had spinners?
3. Killer sound system.
After much consideration, I think it would be the coolest thing if the presidential motorcade drove by blasting "Hail to the Chief." Turn up the base and put a giant subwoofer in the trunk. Now we're in business. Save the police sirens for an emergency.
4. Toys.
All good "pimpings" need to have toys. Considering the limo already has multiple phones (and lines), satellite TV, world radio, a well stocked bar, and the ability to control our nuclear arsenal (hopefully not while he's raiding the bar), what else does he need? Roll-out spike strips, oil slicks, smoke screens, and machine guns/rocket launchers straight out of James Bond's Aston Martin. Maybe Q and Lucius Fox (Morgan Freeman in the new Batman movies) can get together and discuss other ideas.
NAME THAT MOVIE: "Hail to the chief cuz I'm the chief and I need hailing"
PS: How white am I that I use quotes around "pimped" and "pimping?"
Monday, January 26, 2009
Things that Bother Me
I may have mentioned at some point that I have no patience or tolerance. It's true. With that I bring you some of things that have bothered me lately.
Here's a collection of just a few of the things that have gotten under my skin:
1. Nancy Pelosi
OK, I get that people from California are strange and different but Madame Speaker of the House is trying to turn this country into China, and not the good kind of China. Part of the new trillion dollar economic "stimulus" plan (yes, TRILLION) includes birth control funding. Her reasoning is that "it will reduce costs to the states and federal government." (Source: ABC's This Week with George "My Last Name is a Spelling Test" Stephanopoulos). Next she's going allow Americans to keep only one child. Keep the first male child and throw the girls into the Potomac.
This comes from a woman with 5 children and, as of this posting, 6 grandchildren.
2. Hugh Jackman
How does a guy go from Wolverine on X-men to this? I don't care if you've been voted hottest man alive by a bunch of middle-aged women, you can't be Wolverine and that guy opposite Siegfried in "Siegfried and Roy." Next we'll have Clay Aiken star as the next Batman.
3. Foreign Currencies with Ridiculous Conversion Rates
Go to Japan with a crisp $20 bill and what do you get? A little over 1818 Japanese yen. 2 million of these yen will fetch you a stripped Toyota Camry while $2 million will land you any exotic supercar. I've never been to Japan but hope the smallest paper bill is a 100 yen note. I know I get excited when I look into my wallet when I see anything with a $100. If I were in Japan right now I would be carrying around roughly 5158 yen.
This goes for any country with similar conversion rates!
4. Bush Bashing
Over the last few years, Bush bashing was the "in" thing. Whether it's celebs during award shows, athletes, or the media. You know why people don't take us seriously anymore? Maybe it's because this country doesn't show any respect to the office of the president. Like the man or not, respect him for the position he holds. I know I would never want that position.
On a related note, where's Obama's exit strategy? Sure, let's close Guantanamo Bay, but where are you going to put all the prisoners? You can always send em home so we can read later that they are high ranking terrorists in Yemen. Maybe he can send em to California and reopen those internment camps that have been vacant since WWII. The media would just love that.
5. Corporate Greed
When business is booming, we love big business but in recessions, they are evil. I personally have no problem with them so long as greed never exceeds profits. The big 3 automakers got lynched for flying to D.C. in their private jets for congressional hearings to ask for money. Banks are already getting their share $700 billion and now I read that Citigroup is ready to take delivery of a rare $50 million jet. There are only 9 in the entire U.S. Way to properly spend our $45 billion in tax dollars to turn your company around.
BUT WAIT, it actually gets worse. The plane was made in France!
6. Versus and Dish Network
Versus what? Remember that station OLN? You know it...the hunting and fishing channel. Now I don't watch hunting or fishing, and have never gone hunting, but my hatred for Versus runs deep. You see, a few years back, they outbid ESPN for rights to NHL coverage. As a Rangers fan I watch most games on MSG, but on occasion Versus has the rights to the game and it's blacked out on MSG. Worse, they have the rights to the NHL All-Star Game and skills competition. It took awhile before Versus was even available to those non-rabbit ear users.
For some reason Versus is part of a premium package on Dish Network after Comcast (owns Versus) first didn't provide Versus to them. So in all my roughly 200 channels, I don't get versus and on the NFL bye week (read: no football, for you non-sportsfans) I did not get to watch the NHL All-Star Game. Stay tuned for a possible award nomination (I'm not going to say which award) for one of the parties involved with #6 come playoffs.
7. Hugh Jackman
Sunday, January 25, 2009
New Fortune Cookie
There was a time when I actually knew what each year meant, but alas, three years of law school corrupted my brain, filling it with lots of useless information. At this point all I know is that the plural of ox is oxen, just as the plural of box is boxen.
(If you don't believe that last part, ask Brian Regan.)
In honor of the new year, I thought I would treat myself to some Chinese...and not in the Maury Povich kinda way. As always, the fortune cookie was the second best part, this time coming after my beef with garlic sauce.
Tonight's fortune:
"Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter"
Hmmm... what to make of this?
Well if I add the traditional "in bed" at the end, it would actually make the fortune worse. Maybe it's professional rather than personal? I guess the cookie is telling me to get a move on that intern. I've needed one for some time but I can't offer salary or even college credit until my business is more established so I'm stuck and don't want to do certain research.
Looks like another Confucious-ism with no answers.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Happy Friday!
The people at Death of the Courtesy Wave would like to remind everyone to have fun, be safe, and please drink responsibly. This public service announcement is sponsored by HE'BREW beer.
A friend of mine kept the coaster and gave it to me and I just recently found it.
In the spirit of the weekend, I present you with a throwback to 1999 for the song of the weekend:
Veronical Sawyer by Edna's Goldfish
Disclaimer: This song and video are from 1999 and ska was actually popular in my neck of the woods.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
So I Was Thinking...
Then again if you didn't want me to think, why would you be reading my blog?
On the eve of New York Governor David Paterson announcing who will be replacing Hillary Clinton as Senator (thankfully it will not be a Kennedy), I began to think about how we got into this mess.
Our favorite Senator/carpetbagger loved New York so much, and after praising this great state decided she would rather be in the cabinet (female chauvinists do your thing) of President Obama. That leaves the appointment up to Governor David Paterson who from up close can't even tell the difference between Hillary Clinton and Caroline Kennedy.
So what's Governor Paterson's deal? David Paterson was previously the Lieutenant Governor of New York until recently, when he took office after ex-Gov. Eliot Spitzer got caught up in a scandal...Something to do with a Jersey girl (first mistake), $5,000/hour (second mistake) and his inability to hide it (third mistake).
But was it really about his involvement in with an (expensive) escort service?
NOPE. He would have gotten away with it and probably have been praised but for two mistakes. First, he couldn't hide it well. Second, we needed a fall guy given the state of the economy. Everyone needs money and New York State is no exception. Had Gov. Spitzer been with a call girl from New York, who reported all her income on her state tax return (miscellaneous income anyone?), New York would get the revenue and Spitzer would not have gone down faster than blue ice from an airplane.
The moral of the story, those seven deadly sins can actually kill--a political career.
In honor of Spitzer, Paterson, Clinton and Kennedy, I bring you today's song of the day:
The Unprotected by Cavalier King
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Blast from the Past?
HINT: Butch Walker was the singer/songwriter for Marvelous 3, A. Jay Popoff was in the band Lit, and Mitch Allan was the singer and guitarist for SR-71.
THE ANSWER: Yes, some may consider them part of many one-hit wonders from the late 90s and early 00s (is there a word for the double-zero decade?). Maybe you remeber the songs "Freak of the Week," "My Own Worst Enemy," and "Right Now." Well, this is kinda true but they had a few other songs with marginal success.
Here's another confession: I like music. I have no musical talent whatsoever, but I enjoy listening to music with whatever I'm doing. I generally like anything with guitars and drums (sans country) but am guilty of listening to some of those uber-pop songs and for the life of me can't get some of them out of my head. (Stop playing all things Rhianna!!!) I like alternative rock but had the punk, ska, grunge and heavier phases and will still treat myself to the occasional Edna's Goldfish. These days I usually stream Alternative Addiction Radio.
I wouldn't call myself a music snob and have never openly said that my music is better than your music (although it just may be). I will call you out if you hear a song on the radio and proclaim it to be the next big thing especially when the song is 10 years old and the band has long broken up. I check out some of the "fad bands" but they are just that--fads. Sorry Mute Math but you have about one album left at best.
But I digress...Those guys represented the music I listened to back in the day. I was never an uber-fan of any of them and have never seen them live. HOWEVER, it is with great pleasure that I report that they are all back. Eventually I will get a copy of Butch Walker's solo release (which from what I've heard so far is pretty good) and I definitely recommend checking out Mitch Allan's solo single "Superman" because it's so different from the rest of SR-71 stuff.
Butch and Mitch (we're on a first name basis now) have also done songwriting and production for some big names that I'm sure you've heard of. Butch Walker has written and/or produced for the likes of Avril Lavigne, Pink, Pete Yorn and Lindsay Lohan (you didn't actually think she can write anything beyond her name on checks, did you?). Mitch Allan has written for Faith Hill, The Jonas Brothers (mentioning them in my blog will cost me a man card), and most famously wrote "1985" for Bowling for Soup.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Sports, A Microcosm of Life
I have another confession to make. I've been a big sports fan all my life.
Sports has a very important role in society. As a child, you learn about rules (each sport has quite a few), teamwork, winning and losing. As an adult, if you happen to not be one of about 600 Major League Baseball players, too short for the NBA, can't skate, or don't enjoy large men forming piles on top of you, you can still follow your team and critique the sports world. That's where I come into play.
Take the Dallas Cowboys...Many predicted that they would still be playing football today (week 3 of the NFL playoffs) yet they didn't even make it into the postseason. Why? About 99.9% of coaches use the cliche "there's no 'I' in 'team.'" I say that there is a "me" in "team" and that will be your ruination. Selfish play and in-fighting brought down this highly talented team. Hey T.O., in no world is one greater than 52. Hope you're working on your golf game living in the I-Society.
It got me thinking about one of the more underrated and underappreciated films of my era. The movie is...[wait for it]...BASEketball. For those unfamiliar with BASEketball, it's a comedy from 1998 starring the creators of South Park. If you've never heard of South Park and are over 8 years old, please return your membership card to society, proceed to the roof of your nearest tall structure, and just jump. ANYWAY, the movie predicts teams moving to new cities for money, stadiums named after brands, and endzone celebrations that are longer than the scoring play itself. Plus the usual crudeness you come to expect from Matt Stone and Trey Parker. It's a heartwarming tale of the ruination sports and how Stone and Parker save the day (and this is why I don't review movies).
I just thought I'd throw that out there in the spirit of the final two teams standing in the NFL. This is the sad state of sports. One person--athlete or agent (ahem, Scott Boras)--who gets greedy sets of a chain reaction of greed. Next thing you know, certain seats at the new Yankee Stadium go for $2,500 a pop and many families are now priced out of major sporting events. Minor league baseball is a lot of fun, but rather than seeing your hero, you see a bunch of scrubs and maybe one or two guys who you might see in the bigs eventually.
For the Citibank executives who read this (and I know you do), your company wouldn't be flatlining right now if you didn't pledge $400 million to the New York Mets for stadium naming rights! But of course the Mets need the money to cover their new stadium and to pay their overpaid stars. I understand the role of economics, but no baseball player should make more money per at-bat than most of the fans make over 365 days!
Friday, January 16, 2009
Happy Friday!
You may have had a bad week but not as bad as this guy!
I will glad take the remains of that $120,000 beauty!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Confessions of an Unemployed JD
Of course, since I make the rules, I can also break them...
First, let me clear up one small point. I am not exactly unemployed. In fact I have a great part time job where I set my own hours and love what I do.
What can possibly be wrong then? Well this job requires professionalism, some basic knowledge of accounting, and good people skills. Most of my work can be performed by someone with a two-year degree from a community college. I chose to go to a top tier private college and then to law school. Total tuition was roughly $180,000 for those seven years. I got scholarships but I still had to pay the difference. Let's just say I know owe somewhere in the area of less than $180,000 in loans.
I know I made the choice to go to a private college and then law school so I am not exactly bitter about the debt. I am a little bitter about how I still see no return on that investment. Yes, I definitely learned a lot in those seven years, but it's debatable as to how much I gained from actually sitting in the classroom.
I've been looking for a job since the start of my final semester of law school. I took a break from the intense job hunt so I can focus on studying for the bar. After taking some time to recover, I resumed my search which leads me to where I am today, sitting in a massage chair writing this post. I was told jobs would surface after the bar--LIES! I was then told more jobs would appear after the results of the bar exam came out (which I passed)--more LIES! I was then told that jobs would surface after New Years when firms have money budgeted for 2009--still more LIES!
You don't need an economics degree to see the direction our economy is going (but I have one anyway). Still it would be nice to read about hirings rather than firings and layoffs.
I've seen sporadic job postings and have sent some resumes out to firms who practice areas of law that interest me. I have not applied for just any law job because I don't want to be trapped in an area of law that I don't like. The last thing I want is to see that perfect position in real estate but my resume shows recent experience in insurance defense.
Maybe going to law school really isn't worth it these days. Heading in, I was never sure how much I wanted to practice law. I still applied and enrolled because I wanted that advanced degree to open doors for other career paths. In this economy however, I am looking at alternative career paths and tradition law jobs, partly for the experience but partly for money to start my own businesses.
At this point I'll take anything that requires at least a college degree and a major in something other than music, English, or underwater basket weaving.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
And Now, Some Good News!
I woke up this morning asking myself if there was some good news or some surprisingly positive story I can report on today. It only took 2 hours to find material for today's post.
As you know, I'm trying to start 3 businesses. They're coming along very slowly. The actual business plans are in the works and so far I bought a laser printer and two pieces of software. Total cost: free after rebates (I'm real good).
One piece of software I ordered online two weeks ago and downloaded from the manufacturer's website. Today I finally got to installing it. Sounds easy, but of course my computer decided to reject the software like a kidney. Now I'm generally very good with computers but this problem just didn't want to go away and the software could not be installed. I wound up calling customer service-GASP!!!
I've had my trouble with customer service in the past. The last thing I wanted was to speak to some guy named George Smith who sports a thick Indian accent. Just my luck, I get a guy with a common American name and a thick South-Asian accent. It turned out that this guy was uber-helpful. He talked me through re-downloading the software (which took 20 minutes on my DSL connection) and stayed with me the whole time, guiding me step by step through the installation.
I still received the same error messages as I did when I installed the software myself but we determined that it was my computer and not the software. This guy even went out of his way to try to talk me through the computer problem--which is not part of his job, but just because he happens to know about computers and not just how to read a customer service manual. He diagnosed the problem but was unable to solve it without gaining access to my PC (yeah, not a chance). Either way, I now know what to do when I fix the computer problem.
So today we salute you, Mr. South-Asian with American name tech support guy.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Digitus Medius Award Nominee #2
FOR SALE: Kidney - gently used, asking $1,500,000 or best offer
The New York Post reports that Dr. Richard Batista is asking his ex-wife for his kidney back. In 2001, Dr. Batista's wife needed a kidney and the husband was a match. They divorced in 2005 and he claims that after the way he was treated, he now wants his kidney back. The doctor alleges that she cheated on him and then dragged him through an ugly divorce. Divorce lawyer to the stars (on Long Island, at least) Dominic Barbara insists that he doesn't actually want the kidney back, rather he just wants the value of that kidney, which apparently is a cool $1.5 million. CAN I GET A PRICE CHECK IN AISLE 7? Why he didn't just factor that into the divorce settlement boggles the mind! Someone has been reading a little too deeply into the concept of "an eye for an eye."
Now I called the writer at the New York Post and I got the scoop. What the media is withholding from the rest of you commoners is that this family squabble is just another way to make money. Think of the merchandising possibilities. This "couple" has already made a number of filings with the US Patent and Trademark Office.
The real story goes something like this: The couple is actually a lot closer than just husband and wife. In fact my sources say that they are not even married. They are however brother and sister. Let's be honest here--the odds of being a perfect match to donate a kidney is 1 in 700,000. That means that in the United States there are only 428 possible matches. Somehow the ex-wife found a husband and match for kidney donor within that pool of 428--YEAH RIGHT!
As a J.D. not yet admitted, I feel the need to point out that the sale of organs is illegal in the US. Furthermore, the kidney was donated when they were on good terms and was a GIFT. Gifts by nature are irrevocable. Sorry Doc but KABOOM--you've been lawyered!
If this woman was as awful as you made her to be, and cheated on you as you allege, why didn't you come out better in the divorce? If the wife didn't obey a custody order take her to court again. Here's an idea: while she's sleeping, break into her house and cut out the kidney yourself (you are a doctor); spare us and leave the courts out of this too. To ask for the kidney back and seek all this attention is pathetic. Or do what the rest of us do, have her give a mutual friend all your personal items and you do the same. That friend will return all the items to their original owners.
Dr. Richard Batista, you are the second nominee for a Digitus Medius Award! Expect an invitation to the newest award show early next year.